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Of Mice And Men April 1, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor.
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BFF and I love to play April Fool’s Day jokes on each other,  attempting to  convince the other to believe the unbelievable.

One April Fool’s Day, I had help in creating the perfect April Fool’s joke.

A prank so perfect that . . . well, I’ll let you be the judge.

Wikipedia ~ April Fool’s Day (in Public Domain)

I returned home from work to find both cats stationed outside the door to the master bedroom.

Hmm . . . that’s odd.

Then, I heard a “splash,” coming from the toilet.  I walked into the bathroom and found a mouse in the toilet ~ or, rather, soaring above it.

Turns out that mice can jump sky-high even from a dead standstill in the middle of a mouse-sized swimming pool.

To picture it, envision someone jumping into a swimming pool from the high dive . . . now, play that tape in reverse.

The mouse, who obviously had decided to die another day, leapt straight up out of the water, about a foot into the air, again and again, desperate to reach freedom.

I am an animal lover, just one of the many reasons that I am a vegetarian, but I did NOT want this determined little mouse roaming around the house for three good reasons:  turds, turds, turds.

Moreover, I did not want him getting out of the toilet since our two cats were eyeing him hungrily, having not yet had their dinner.

I closed the lid, and posted a post-it note on it, saying simply MOUSE IN HERE, in case BFF made it into the bathroom before I could fill him in on our April Fool’s Day visitor.

Undeterred, Stuart Little kept jumping up, and bumping up against the underside of the seat cover.   His efforts so Herculean that he actually lifted the lid with the force of his efforts to escape.

Wikipedia ~ Mighty Mouse (Fair Use)

I changed his name, on the spot, from Stuart Little to Mighty Mouse.

Remember Mighty Mouse?   ”Mighty Mouse is on the way . . . that means that Mighty Mouse will save the day.”    If you’ve never seen a Mighty Mouse cartoon, picture Superman as a rodent flying around, fighting villains.

Who came up with the idea?   Probably the guy who invented Under-Dog.

Anyway, since Mighty Mouse insisted on jumping with great intensity, the lid was bouncing up and down like rapidly exploding Jiffy Pop popcorn.

I grabbed an enormous phone book to weigh down the seat while I weighed my options.

One option, the easiest, was just to flush the wee beastie back down where he had come from.  After all,”what comes up, must go down.”  But that seemed rather heartless for an animal lover like me.

If we decided to go that route, my husband would have to press the lever since flushing rodents, like catching snakes, obviously falls into the clearly-defined category of Men’s Work.

Just then, I heard my husband’s car in the driveway.

I raced out to fill him in on the happenings, “BFF, you are not going to believe this, there’s a mouse in our toilet!”

He just grinned, “April Fools.”

No, really, there is a mouse in the toilet.”

Not budging, he reached for his briefcase, muttering, “April Fools,” in such a disheartened manner that I knew he was disappointed that this was the best prank I had come up with all day.

Stamping my foot for emphasis, and dragging out the syllables of his name, I repeated, “B – F – F, I am not playing an April Fools’ joke on you.  There IS a mouse in the toilet.  It was there when I got home from work, and it is YOUR job, as the man of the house, to remove the mouse from these premises!”

Playing along with what he still assumed to be a joke, he followed me into the bathroom, saw the telephone book sitting on the throne wearing the post-it note as a crown, “MOUSE IN HERE.”

Smiling indulgently, he laughed, and repeated, “April Fools!” ~ sounding a bit cheerier as he said it . . . no doubt impressed by my props.

At that moment, Mighty Mouse banged his head against the lid, raising it up far enough that BFF realized that there was, indeed, something animate in the toilet.

Crap!”

“No, not crap.  Mouse.  It’s a mouse.  If it was crap, I would have flushed it down already ~ if it’s yellow, let it mellow . . . if it’s brown, flush it down.”

BFF stared at me as if I’d lost my mind, then removed the phone book and lifted the lid to take a quick peek at the contents of the toilet.  Sure enough, the little gray mouse, somewhat tuckered out by now, was doggie-paddling around the bowl.

BFF closed the lid and sat down to think.  After all, what better place to think than on the toilet?  For men at least, it is the think tank of all think tanks.

Think Tank (in Public Domain)

Inspired, BFF ran to get the spa strainer to catch Mighty Mouse.  Likewise inspired, I added “spa strainer” to my shopping list.

BFF caught the mouse, first scoop!

Alas, the mouse escaped (while being transferred into the empty cat litter pail BFF intended to use as a transport vehicle), ran over to the sink, and squeezed between the wall and the cabinet ~ a space less than a quarter of an inch in width!

WTF?

Apparently, mice have bodies (and bones!) that conform to the space available.  Our visitor was gone, in a flash ~ like Flash Gordon or the real Mighty Mouse.

Not one to concede defeat, BFF got out his power tools, took out the bottom drawer of the vanity, and cut an enormous hole into cabinet carcass (the bottom frame of the cabinet) upon which the drawer sits.

Once into the mouse-sized Panic Room, BFF used the spa strainer, once again, to back Mighty Mouse into a corner and net him.

Success!

Wikipedia ~ House Mouse (in Public Domain)

This time, BFF took precautions to transfer the little guy from the net into the carrier pail without leaving anything to chance.

Covering the pail with the strainer net, BFF carried Mighty Mouse  outside and released him.

Mighty Mouse, uninjured except for a nick in his tail which had drawn a bit of blood, raced into the wild ~ where wild animals prefer to be (or at least where we prefer them to be).

Where was I during this catch and release mission?

Supervising the entire enterprise from the top of the bathroom vanity.

Hands down, it was the best April Fools’ Day ever!   For us, that is, I don’t think that Mighty Mouse enjoyed the experience at all.

Comments»

1. Life in the Boomer Lane - April 1, 2012

Oh my. That beats my mouse story by a mile. But I can confirm that mice have the ability to squeeze themselves into spaces that are way smaller than they are, sort of like me getting into a pair of Spanx.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Love that analogy, Renee.

Super Hero costumes (like the one worn by Mighty Mouse) spawned Spanx.

Seriously.

No fooling! 😆

2. klrs09 - April 1, 2012

Poor little guy, he must have been terrified swimming around in that toilet bowl and then banging his wee noggin on the lid everytime he jumped — but I have to say I probably would have done exactly the same thing. I like mice — as long as they’re not in my house. If I find one in my home I become completely insane — I want it out, I want it dead, I want it gone. The thought of it traipsing over my furniture or through my cupboards just about kills me.

Hilarious, though, that your husband thought it was an April Fool’s joke.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

My thoughts exactly . . . klrs. I hate seeing anything suffer, but I also didn’t want the wee beastie moving in with us.

Some April Fool’s Jokes are meant to be! 😀

3. thirdhandart - April 1, 2012

I’ve never found a mouse in my toilet. But, a baby mouse did scurry under our closed bathroom door and into the bathroom with me one time. If I had been fast enough, I would have been on top of the bathroom vanity too! What is it about a tiny, scurrying mouse that is so frightening? What a great April Fool’s Day tale Nancy! Glad that you and BFF were able to safely catch and release Mighty Mouse. It’s nice to know that we can still count on him to ”… save the day.” 😉

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Rats terrify me. Mice, less so . . . but I do NOT want a mouse in the house. Period.

I’m glad we were able to play “catch and release” with the wee beastie. A happy ending for all concerned.

4. Tammy - April 1, 2012

Had no idea that mice can jump!

nrhatch - April 1, 2012
    Like high flyers . . . or kids in KEDS. {{B~O~I~N~G}}
5. Pocket Perspectives - April 1, 2012

Nancy….is this story an April Fool’s joke…. ??? 0.0 ???

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Funny you should ask . . . this is a repost from an April Fool’s Day contest I ran in 2010.

I posted some true stories (FACT) and some yarns (FICTION).

This story, posted on April Fool’s Day, is . . . FACT!

Pocket Perspectives - April 1, 2012

Fact! wow….what a mouse that was!
oh no….now WE have mice!…one ran right past the sliding glass doors this afternoon, right in front of where my computer is….running over to the waterfall fountain for a quick afternoon sip of water…I thought that mice were supposed to be nocturnal! oh no….I hope they aren’t in the house too!

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

I think mice are nocturnal, generally. Maybe your mouse just got up for a quick mid-day snack?

I hope that you don’t have a mouse in the house.

6. BrainRants - April 1, 2012

Completely epic.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Matt. Synchronicity at its finest . . . a bit of spiritual humor shining through the veil. 😉

7. Three Well Beings - April 1, 2012

Oh my goodness! I would have to move! I can handle mammoth-sized insects but give me one small mouse and I am hysterical. In the toilet would be more than I could handle! What a great story, though, Nancy! I am with you in that I couldn’t have flushed it…I do have a heart, but just a weak one when it comes to rodents. For some reason the post-it note on the lid warning of said contents gives me such a chuckle! Debra

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Debra. I’m not sure what I would have done if BFF hadn’t been expected home in short order.

Removal of rodents and reptiles = Men’s Work!

8. Rufus' Food and Spirits Guide - April 1, 2012

That photo is priceless. So is the story.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Greg. That elephant cracks me up . . . especially since they are afraid of mice. 😉

I’ve yet to play an April Fool’s joke on BFF today . . . maybe I’ll tell him we’re having something odious (or odoriferous) for dinner.

9. Crowing Crone Joss - April 1, 2012

that’s the best story of the week! loved it!!

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Joss. Glad you enjoyed. It illustrates the principle that FACT is oft times stranger than FICTION.

Crowing Crone Joss - April 1, 2012

it is indeed. you could not have made that up! too too funny.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

I’m racking my brain, trying to think up a suitable April Fool’s Day joke for BFF this year. Thus far, no luck.

10. flyinggma - April 1, 2012

Very funny…We did have to cut a hole in some sheetrock inside our closet once to release and catch a pet hamster that managed to find its way into one of our walls.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Isn’t it funny how we discriminate between rodents?

Gerbils, hamsters, guinea pigs on the “A List” . . . welcomed into our homes and hearts. Rats, mice, and squirrels relegated to the outdoors with few exceptions.

Glad you rescued the little critter, Jeanne.

11. suzicate - April 1, 2012

This is priceless! Boy would that have made a great video!

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

You’re right! I never thought of that . . . but It would have been perfect for America’s Funniest Home Videos, for sure!

12. JannatWrites - April 1, 2012

This is so funny! My heart skipped a beat when the mouse got away, but I had to laugh when he got the tools out and dismantled the cabinet to get it.

If we had a mouse in our house, I think it would be up to me to handle it. How do I know this? We were in the garden center of a store when we were first married and he heard scampering. He shoved me out of the way so he could beat it through the double doors to get inside the store. To this day, he claims he grabbed my shoulders and moved me to “save me”. He has no answer to my question: “then how come you ran through the doors and left me standing out there?” 😆

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

That is so funny, Janna. A tiny {{squeak}} . . . followed by a shrill shriek . . .EEK!!! 😆

BFF’s tenacity amazed me as he carefully assessed the situation and gathered the PROPER tools from his toolbox. 😀

13. Andra Watkins - April 1, 2012

This is just hilarious. You couldn’t have set it up better if you tried.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Janna. The best laid pranks of mice and men . . . oft times go awry. 😀

14. aawwa - April 1, 2012

A great story told by a great storyteller!

Lorraine 🙂

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Lorraine! I love sharing humorous tales (and tails). 😉

15. Booksphotographsandartwork - April 1, 2012

Oh the poor little baby. Notice when they are only “one” they are a poor little baby. I don’t want them in my house either but I would have had to save him. I would have probably put a big piece of wood in there for him to sit until hubby could get him.

I’m sure I told you before about the little mouse that I accidentally closed in the back door during the middle of the night one time. I didn’t even know it as I didn’t turn the light on that night. My heart about broke when I saw him there squashed in the door that morning when I got up. I even tried chest compressions on him.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Aww . . . that’s sad, Linda. I hate seeing animals suffer, even when it’s clearly an accident.

Our little mouse had amazing stamina ~ jumping, swimming, bouncing his head off the lid. I’m glad BFF got home before I had to go to Plan B.

(Plan A = let BFF handle rodents and reptiles).

16. sweetdaysundertheoaks - April 1, 2012

Oh geesh Nancy! I can see you two 😀 I can see this whole thing played out. It cracks me up tonight! Glad the mouse made it to the wild wild outdoors and I woulda been standing on top of the vanity too.

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

I really did stand on top of the vanity . . . but mostly so I could be “in the thick of things” without getting in the way.

The bathroom didn’t have much of a footprint.

17. bluebee - April 2, 2012

“mouse-sized Panic Room” – hehe – poor little chap – his heart probably carked it after all that exertion.
BFF with his tools cutting into the cabinet it the suburban equivalent of the swashbuckling superhero slashing his way through the jungle to rescue his maiden!

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

Yes! BFF’s a regular Errol Flynn ~ except he’s not an Australian-born American actor known for his romantic swashbuckler roles in Hollywood films or for a flamboyant lifestyle. 😀

I felt sorry for the mouse throughout the process. We knew we were going to “trap and release” . . . he had no way of knowing what we planned to do once we cornered him.

18. spilledinkguy - April 2, 2012

*Here I come to save the daaaayyyyy….
(or go for a dip in the toileeeeeet)*
🙂

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

The toilet is a jacuzzi for all manner of rodents and reptiles. Eek.

I heard a GREAT tip today. If you are going to be away from home for any length of time . . . put saran wrap over the toilet bowl, then put down the seat, to keep critters from using it as a means of ingress and egress from the house. Snazzy, huh? 😉

spilledinkguy - April 2, 2012

That’s a great tip, Nancy! Never would have thought of that! Although I’ve heard of folks saran wrapping a toilet bowl as a ‘prank’…
honestly… Why? GOOOOOOO!!!

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

Ewwwww . . . I would be pissed if someone played such a shitty trick on me.

Puns intended.

19. sufilight - April 2, 2012

LOL! And Eeek! I was chuckling when you said it was a man’s job to get rid of the mouse. When we had one a couple of years ago, I had my s/o come to the rescue. 🙂

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

I’m in favor of “gender equality” . . . generally. But not when it comes to reptile or rodent removal. :mrgreen:

20. souldipper - April 2, 2012

Events like that thoroughly test my compassion. Bravo for saving its life and letting it out. I had no idea a mouse could jump like that. Ewwww.

nrhatch - April 3, 2012

A flying leap . . . from still water. Rather amazing. I’m glad that we were able to dispatch our visitor with no more than a slight nick.

21. 2e0mca - April 3, 2012

My good lady dislikes mice in the house for one reason… they attract snakes and where she comes from that can be very bad news…Mamba’s, etc. Me, I just accept that the little critters will come in every autumn from off the the adjacent railway tracks and go away again in the spring. I just say.. ‘Turn the heating off and they won’t come in’ but that doesn’t seem to be a popular option… 😉

nrhatch - April 3, 2012

I don’t want to see a mouse in the house . . . but I prefer a slew of mice to one Black Mamba. Just thinking about snakes in the house gives me the Heebie Jeebies.

22. Perfecting Motherhood - April 3, 2012

Hilarious story about a poor little mouse. I’m glad you managed to release it instead of drowning it, although another animal probably had it for dinner… 😦

nrhatch - April 4, 2012

Poor wee beastie probably collapsed into a heap somewhere . . . and became a “sitting duck.” {{Quack!}}

23. Team Oyeniyi - April 8, 2012

You couldn’t have planned a joke better if you had tried, now could you?

Did BFF apologise for doubting you? I loved timing of your “if it is yellow, let it mello” line and can almost see his face!

Very entertaining!

nrhatch - April 8, 2012

Thanks, Robyn. April Fool’s Day was the perfect timing for that wee beastie to appear. 😀

24. eof737 - April 23, 2012

Oh boy! What a gag! Hope you all figued it was time to call it day soon enough. 😉


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