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Threats In Europe, by John Cleese March 28, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People, Writing & Writers.
46 comments

Wikipedia ~ Tea Plant (in Public Domain)

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person

A final thought:  Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray.

Welcome back to 430 BC.

Granny1947 sent me this in an e-mail this morning.  I had to share.  Want to eliminate the middle man? Talk to Granny. 

Reverse Reciprocity March 28, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, Mindfulness, People.
88 comments

I had long suspected, based on the sterile nature of comments they posted, that a few habitual visitors did not enjoy their cyber excursions to SLTW.

I could almost hear them dragging their feet down the cyber corridor each time they came round.

Instead of dropping by for a cozy cyber chat, they popped in, did a bit of speed reading, and left post-haste.

Like paying a weekly visit to a dowager aunt out of familial obligation (or the desire for testate inheritance), they tossed comments into the reply box at regular intervals to maintain the appearance of reciprocity.

A politically correct “tit for tat.”

I decided “enough of that!”  I don’t need reluctant visitors dropping by to boost my head count ~ that benefits no one.

Wikipedia ~ Petri Dish (in Public Domain)

To test my theory, I conducted an experiment, using “reluctant visitors” as lab rats and guinea pigs.

First, I set up the equipment ~ petri dishes, sterile gloves, face masks, lab aprons.

Oops . . . wrong experiment.

My simple cyber experiment required no control groups.  I did not have to administer or distribute placebos.

In fact, I didn’t have to do anything at all.  I merely refrained from commenting on their blogs for a day or two.

As anticipated, as soon as they no longer got a “piece of cheese” from me, their visits dwindled and stopped in short order.

Reverse reciprocity, like reverse psychology, often reveals what politically correct behavior attempts to hide.

Aah . . . that’s better!

What about you?  Do you ever make obligatory visits to blogs you don’t  enjoy out a sense of political correctness, obligation, or the desire for reciprocity?

Chicken-Little-PosterStop it.
I mean it.

The sky will not fall.  The stars will not collide.  The world will not stop spinning on its access.

But you will feel greater harmony within . . .

Quote:  Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Related post:  When We Stop Striving To Be “Someone”