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An Appalachian Adventure January 30, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Fiction, Humor, Nature, Travel & Leisure.
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Wikipedia ~ Backpacking (in Public Domain)

“Man, this pack is heavy.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I’m right.  We should have hired Sherpas.”

“Sherpas are few and far between in Georgia.”

“OK, then . . . donkeys.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“I’ll stop being an ass if you stop being such a stubborn mule.”

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon . . . let’s toss in the towel on this boondoggle through the boondocks.”

“I’m not tossing in the towel.”

“Fine, be a mule.  So . . . how far have we gone?”

“About 7 miles.”

“That’s all?  It seems further . . . like 107.”

“Nope.  Just 7.1 miles since we set out this morning.”

“How many miles to the end of the trail?”

“From this point . . . we’ve got 2,171.2 to go.”

“I’m never gonna make it.”

“Sure you will.  Let’s play a game to make the time pass more quickly.”


Appalachian Trail Conservancy ~ About the Trail

“Here’s a fun fact . . . the elevation gain and loss on the Appalachian Trail is like hiking from sea level to the top of Mt. Everest . . .”

“You’re kidding . . . ”

” . . . and back to sea level . . . 16 times.”

“16 times?!”


“I’m never gonna make it.”

“You’ll do fine.  See if you can list all the states the trail passes through.”

“Well, it starts in Georgia and ends in Maine . . . and Maine can’t get here soon enough.”

“Two states down and 12 to go.”

“Hmm . . . North Carolina, Tennessee, and Virginia.”

“Great.  You’re on a roll.  Don’t stop now.”

“West Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania.”

“Yup.  Keep going.”

“New Jersey, New York, Connecticut.”

“Only three more.”

“Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire.”

“Yay, you did it!”

“Whoopee!  How much does this pack weigh, anyway?”

“Your pack weighs 40 pounds.  Mine’s a lean, mean 37 pounds.”

“Man, that’s like carting around a small child . . . or two.  Just thinking about it makes me tired.”

“OK.  Let’s take a break and stop for lunch.”

“Great!  What have we got?”

“Power Bars, GORP, Candy Bars,  GORP, Peanut Butter, and GORP.”

“That’s it?!”

“What did you think I was going to offer you?  A fresh out of the oven pizza?”


“Hey, that’s an idea . . . let’s find the closest pizzeria.”


“OK. No pizza.  What’s GORP . . . or do I even want to know?”

GORP = Good Old Raisins and Peanuts.”

“Are you nuts?  All we’ve got to eat is fruit and nuts?  After this workout?”

“No worries, mon!  It’s high caloric Trail Mix . . . designed to keep us going and going and going.”

“What?  Like the Energizer Bunny?”

“Sure . . . hippity hopping down the trail.”

“Great.  By the way, where are we staying tonight?  And, more to the hippity  hoppity point, are we almost there yet?  I could use a bath, a massage, a hot meal, and a Sleep Number Bed.”

“Keep dreaming . . . we’re staying at a shelter.”

“With all the modern conveniences?”

“Sure . . . sort of.”

“What do you mean sort of?  Does it have running water?”

“Yup . . . the stream runs right by the shelter.”



“Sure . . . dig your own.”


“Only if there is lightning.”

“How did you rope me into this adventure again?”

“The promise of Amazing Vistas . . . ”


Aah . . . that’s better!