Aah . . . That’s Better! August 4, 2011
Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Mindfulness, Spirit & Ego.trackback
Transforming our outlook, our way of thinking, is not easy. Changing the habits of a lifetime takes time.
But we can change.
With practice, our minds become calmer and clearer, and our lives follow suit:
* We notice self-defeating thoughts as they arise and nip them in the bud.
* We observe what’s going on without getting swept up in the melodrama.
* We mindfully choose how to respond if someone “presses our buttons.”
We still face disappointments, but the negative emotions which surface tend to be superficial and short-lived. As soon as we notice we are angry, jealous, worried, or fearful of a future that has not yet arrived, we remember to ask that simple question:
Will this thought bring me happiness?
Doing so shifts the focus from what we are denying ourselves (i.e., the “luxury” of being upset over some minor incident or infraction) to what we are giving ourselves (peace of mind and serenity).
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ~ Carlos Castaneda
As we develop greater awareness, focus, and control, our thoughts become calmer and we gain clarity, regardless of the daily dramas (and drama queens) around us.
Aah . . . that’s better.
No rules. Just write!
Related posts: Changing Your Bracelet (Reflections from a Cloudy Mirror) * The Art of Happiness * The Serenity Principle * Attack of the Killer ANTs * Watch Your Thoughts * When Ego Wins . . . You Lose * Changing Habits (WP)
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Spirit Lights The Way 
Amen to that.
A quiet mind, like the surface of a still pond, provides a more accurate reflection.
Aah . . . that’s clearer! 😎
And it only takes 21 consecutive days to do it! 🙂
That reminds me . . . I meant to link to your post and forgot. I shall remedy that omission forthwith.
{{snaps rubber band against wrist as a reminder}}
You don’t snap it – you put it on the other wrist! Don’t you read??? 👿
I read the rules and rejected them! 😛
{{snap}}
I enjoyed this post. Very thought provoking.
I think it also applies to regret. You should never dwell on regret. If something happened or didn’t happen that makes you feel bad you should try to accept it and move forward. Learn from your mistakes. If a memory makes you unhappy work out a way to make up for what happened or find a way to improve the outcome.
Thanks, SammyDee! You’re right. Regret is definitely a “self-defeating thought” that creates unnecessary suffering.
No matter how many times we revisit the unsavory memory in our mind, we cannot turn back the hands of time or get a “do over.” Once water is over the dam, it’s over the dam.
We benefit from accepting the “what is” as it is. Instead of wallowing in regret, and reliving unsavory moments ad infinitum, we “do what we can with what we have where we are.”
Aah . . . that’s better. 😎
Nancy, I missed your posts.
Seriously.
They always make me feel better or make me take a long hard look at myself.
Excellent!
*#*
Thanks, Andi! One purpose of SLTW is to remind people to make conscious mindful choices . . . adding to their happiness and satisfaction in life rather than negating it.
It’s nice to have you around again. 😀
That Carlos was a smart guy. Such a good quote.
He sure was, Greg. He’d obviously noticed that some/many people spend time and energy to perfect the art of making themselves miserable.
If you need a few pointers:
Thank you so much for this post…I need the reminders more than ever. Sometimes family drama can take us out of our perspective when we let it take over and lose focus. I think when we are hurt on a personal level it makes it more difficult to realign…I don’t like this feeling at all. Am having a really hard time “just being” as the mind has taken over….I want my calm and my peace back. I try to remember that sometimes peoples actions say more about them than me, but still I’m human (or at least I think I am!!!!!). Regardless, I am one who tries to act rather than react, and say nothing if I have nothing good to say…hard to practice what I “preach” sometimes…Yes, I am a work in progress. Looking to take twoo steps forward and only one back instead of the other way!
Sometimes (especially with family) we must choose between being “right” and being “happy.” 😉
When some is “out of line,” it’s tempting to “put them in their place” and “have the last word” . . . but the better practice may be to follow the path of least resistance and just walk away.
Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. ~ Madagascar
We want our loved ones to “appreciate” us . . . when they don’t, we have a choice:
(1) Make ourselves miserable by focusing our attention on their short-sighted lack of appreciation of our many fine qualities. Ack!
(2) Make ourselves happy by appreciating ourselves . . . including our enlightened self-restraint in difficult situations.
Once our sense of humor is restored, we can continue on our merry way . . . kicking the “pebbles in our path” to the curb.
Will this thought bring me happiness. Must tattoo that on my forehead for future reference.
Didn’t WP just post a prompt about tattoos?
I’d much rather give myself peace of mind and serenity than the ‘luxury’ of any drama!! And you’re right, it’s all about habits. If we are in the habit of flying off the handle anytime something doesn’t go our way then we are perpetuating the problem…
So much boils down to HOW we characterize what is happening around us ~ how we relate to the issue is the issue.
If we are happy about what’s coming around the bend, we say, “I’m excited.” That thought fills us with positive feelings.
If we are not happy about what’s waiting around the corner, we say, “I’m scared.” That thought fills us with negative feelings.
We see the world behind our eyes. 😀
Jealous or vengeful thoughts tend to feel very ridiculous after you’re in the habit of mentally shoving them away.
Yes, indeed!
Once we start making conscious choices about HOW to view the world, we are no longer inclined to sabotage our happiness and peace of mind by dwelling on petty vindictive thoughts.
If negative thoughts arise, we view them as silly rabbits.
The trouble is, it takes practice, and people are lazy. I guess you have to really want to do it.
Yup. Some people would rather wallow in misery than make long overdue changes.
And, of course, some people enjoy getting bent out of shape over anything, everything, and nothing . . . because they call attention to themselves with their daily rants.
Hey, look at me! Over here! Come feed my Ego.
Silly rabbits! 😆
“Aah … that’s better” made me chuckle when you added it to the end of your post. Instantly it was summing it up … and right on the mark. Your reply to Cindy ” a quiet mind, like the surface of a still pond, provides a more accurate reflection” brought to mind a quote of mine that I used in my latest post entitled: As We Live Our Lives Moments Stand Apart, and the quote being…
“Our thoughts are like the waves of a whitewater river. They rise
and fall relentlessly. Our minds, like the lower depths of the river, become increasingly more settled as we immerse ourselves in our meditation practice”.
Check out the post, I think you may like it.
Will do, Walter. Along those lines, you might be interested in this post:
Will this thought bring me happiness? That question would have saved me from having to search for my peace recently in a conversation. Oh boy, you’d think I love getting into trouble!
I never go searching for trouble . . . but sometimes trouble comes a knocking!
Be like the little M&M guys: No bleu acqui!
Well said, Nancy! Brings to mind the concept of opposition thinking – replacing a negative thought immediately with the opposite, positive one…easier said than done sometimes, but I guess practise makes perfect 🙂
Good point, Naoimi. The steps are easy, but we must remember to apply them:
1. Be aware of your thoughts ~ tune in and listen.
2. Decide whether the thought is to true, helpful, etc.
3. If not, think about something else.
The stumbling blocks are obvious:
1. People leave their thoughts on auto-pilot far too often.
2. People believe their thoughts ~ even the blatant lies.
3. People can’t find the remote to change the channel.
As a result, they get stuck thinking the same thoughts over and over ~ and most are focused on ego-concerns (gaining approval from others, carrying on about trivialities, etc.)
The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste.
I think I should start reading your posts every day, first thing in the morning.
Old habits are tenacious. It takes time to break the hold of the old and replace it with the new. Until new habits put down roots, frequent reminders are needed.
One thing that helped me ~ post-it notes with quotes. A few of my favorites:
Be Here Now.
Accept the “what is.”
How you relate to the issue IS the issue.
That said, I’d love for you to pay SLTW a visit every morning! 😀
I could really use this right now. Thanks!
Awesome! We all need a reminder from time to time. 😀
A friend of mine filters all her comments thusly: Is it TRUE? Is it NECESSARY? And, probably the most important, Is it KIND?
She is the kindest soul I know. But she has no spontaneity. She doesn’t say much, either!!!! Amy Barlow Liberatore
Maybe she’s quiet because most of her thoughts are NOT true, necessary, and kind. 😆
How will staying mad at that nincompoop serve me? That is another question I ask myself and then… moving on gets easier. We get there sooner or later, right? 😉
Checking back in to catch up after a lull on the comments front but hectic on the home front. 🙂
I agree. If the nincompoop WANTED to make you mad . . . no sense giving him/her the satisfaction. If the nincompoop is just “inept” in social situations . . . no sense being angry at him/her either.
Compassion goes a long way to helping us let go of anger.
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