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Insanity June 28, 2011

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Mindfulness, People.

Grumpy gusYesterday, a frequent commenter on SLTW accused me of being “truly” insane:

My humble and guarded opinion then must be that you are the first and only person I have ever met who may be ‘truly’ insane.

She may be right.

If “insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results” (as some have defined it), she may be correct in her assessment . . . at least with respect to my interactions with her.

Over the course of the past year, she has called me names, interrupted discussion threadstossed out unwarranted accusations, resurrected stale disputes, offered skewed interpretations of innocent posts, etc.

During the same period of time, I’ve attempted to explain, on more than one occasion, why her comments (and tantrums) are not always well received:

Rules of the House

Life is NOT A Free-For-All

The Queen of Hearts

When explaining the rules didn’t work to quell her enthusiasm, when deleting inappropriate comments didn’t solve the problem, when attempting to reason with her didn’t improve the situation, I put her in the Time Out Box.

All to no avail.

In her latest gambit to “get my goat” and/or “rock my boat,” she placed herself in the role of amateur  psychiatrist, offering her “humble opinion” that I am insane.

Hmm . . . she’s got a point.

I have been doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  And nothing has changed . . . for obvious reasons:

* We cannot change others.  We can only change ourselves.

* The “what is” is.

* How we relate to the issue IS the issue.

After mindfully considering the foregoing, I’ve decided that how I relate to “the issue” is going to change, starting . . . NOW.

Hand-moving-chess-pieceIf “the issue” leaves a comment, it will remain, unopened, in the Time Out Box.  I will no longer read her taunts, post her negative comments, or respond to her diatribes against me or others.  I shall relate to “the issue” by kicking her comments aside, like pebbles, as I continue on my path.

Maybe she’ll finally get the message.

Quote:  Barn’s burnt down ~ now I can see the moon.  Masahide (1657-1723)

No rules.  Just write!

What about you?

What have you postponed doing that turned out to be easier than expected?


1. Debra - June 28, 2011

Nancy… I agree. No need to read the comments. You know what they will be.

Peace to all.

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Debra.

Part of me wished to be more “spiritual” and “accepting” of “the issue” ~ allowing her recent vituperative remarks to drift away into the ether.

But, as Paula is fond of saying, enough is enough. 😉

Voluntarily immersing ourselves in toxicity is not conducive to inner peace and happiness.

2. Lisa (Woman Wielding Words) - June 28, 2011

I think that sanity is one of those words created by people who want to control the world and make everybody the same. I noticed that little interchange yesterday, and I believe that you are taking a healing step by keeping her in the Time Out Box. Note, I’m not calling it a sane step, because sanity is overrated. 😉

Lisa (The less than sane Woman Wielding Words)

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Bwahaha! That’s so true, Lisa.

Sanity is agreeing to “conform to the norm” solely to gain approval from others. Ack. 😎

3. clarbojahn - June 28, 2011

According to A Course In Miracles we are all insane because we live in a dream world of our own making thinking we are separated from God.
The last comment you responded to that I made was one where I asked how “annoying people can be our spiritual teachers.” You replied by saying by that we reach equilibrium quicker.
I have also seen comments from the time out box and see how this is toxic. And you have done everything to manage this except to ignore it like you are now planning on doing. I hope this is the answer to reaching your balance faster on the spiritual side of it.
I hope this makes sense. I think you are doing the right thing.
Take care 🙂

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Clar.

Using the definition from A Course in Miracles, I am NOT insane since I feel no separation from “God” (a/k/a Spirit). I am connected to the Universal Spirit through The Spirit Within:

“God” dwells within me . . . as ME.
“God” is the breath within the breath.

Regarding your second point, I have viewed “the issue” as a teacher for a time . . . thinking that not rising to the bait she tossed my way would teach me to be more patient, compassionate, etc.

This morning, I decided I’d rather have a different teacher. 😉

4. Barbara Gunn - June 28, 2011

#1 rule for all, insane or not, WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE!

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

True dat, Barbara!

Sometimes the “toxic” and “abrasive” relationships in our life are there for a reason . . . to teach us to be more patient.

Other times, those relationships appear to remind us that we MUST set appropriate boundaries.

Sometimes building a wall between us and “them” is the best choice that we can make. 😀

5. Cindy - June 28, 2011

Yikes. Does WordPress have a ‘block this person’ function?

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Not sure. If the problem continues, I can move her from the Time Out Box to the Spam Box.

Then, like Roto Rooter, I can FLUSH her comments directly down the drain. :mrgreen:

Lisa (Woman Wielding Words) - June 28, 2011

How do you make the evil green smiley face? I would like to add it to my repertoire.

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

: mrgreen : without the spaces :mrgreen:

Lisa (Woman Wielding Words) - June 28, 2011

This is a test :mrgreen:

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Perfect! :mrgreen:

Tokeloshe - June 29, 2011

Well said!

6. SuziCate - June 28, 2011

I always wondered why there was always a comment addressed to the time out box…thought I was insane because I didn’t get it! Ha, sanity is over-rated anyway…and then again are any of us qualified to deem another insane?!

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Psychiatrists are marginally qualified . . . but even then there is a margin of error. As I understand it, “insanity” is rarely used as a medical diagnosis these days.

It is still utilized as a defense in a court of law, in some states:

Judge: How does the defendent plead?

Defense Counsel: Not guilty. By reason of insanity.

As Jimmy Buffet would say . . . If we weren’t all crazy, we would go insane. 😀

7. Vix @ LittleMissEverything - June 28, 2011

Wow the phase get a life springs to mind! Your solution is a good one, who needs that kind of negativity. Besides it’s better to be werid that boring 🙂 if you’re insane so are we all as your posts make perfect sense!

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Vix!

I postponed taking this step for a long time ~ thinking that we might learn something from one another. This morning, when she started taunting me for NOT posting and responding to her allegations of insanity, I decided I’d had enough.

Continuing to waste energy on “toxic relationships” is not a good use of our limited time on the planet. 🙂

8. Patricia - June 28, 2011

Is there not a way to just ban the comments or mark them as spam?

Whatever…I happen like being a bit of a crazy person. Sanity is overrated in my view. Lotsa headaches there.

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Good point, Patricia.

The Time Out Box works like the Spam Filter ~ comments aren’t posted unless and until approved by the administrator.

But the Spam Filter is easier to empty . . . so I think I shall move her from the Time Out Box to the Spam Filter. Thanks!

9. Paula Tohline Calhoun - June 28, 2011

Nancy, I have a lot of great comments on this perfectly written answer to LL. You would not, however, believe what is happening to me right now – not a matter of physical health, but a grand display of my own insanity! 😀

I’m telling you this to let you know I will reply later om.

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Ooh . . . sounds intriguing. I shall expect a full report once things settle down to an even keel.

Good luck!

10. Alannah Murphy - June 28, 2011

I have found by my own experience, that there are tons of people out there who are deluded beyond belief, one of them being my mother, who of course thinks she was a great mother. I beg to differ…anyway, once a nutter, always a nutter and they tend not to even know they’re nutters but you my dear, aren’t a nutter at all…

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Aww . . . thanks, Alannah!

I agree with you. Often people (a/k/a “nutters”) do not realize how skewed their view has become. They’re so used to looking through a “dirty lens” . . . that everything appears normal.

It’s like going to the eye doctor ~ it’s not until you get an updated prescription that you realize how diminished your perspective has become.

Here’s to being the sanest bananas in the bunch! 😀

Alannah Murphy - June 29, 2011

Oh yes, and said nutter’s spectacles are dirty, really dirty….maybe she needs to clean them heh heh 😉

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Maybe her glasses are on backwards! That would throw her vision off a bit. 😀

11. kateshrewsday - June 28, 2011

Great decision, Nancy. People can get hooked on the attention gained through such negative interaction. I have watched you deal with the issue with infinite patience. I think you have made a tough but very wise choice.

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Kate. I think she is addicted to attention ~ both negative and positive. I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt too many times to count.

Given her recent remarks, I decided that telling her I would no longer read her comments seemed the wisest course of action to take. It’s too bad it had to get to this point.

Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone played nicely in the sandbox? 😀

12. Rosa - June 28, 2011

I, too, have always wondered what the time out box was!
You asked what was something we have postponed that turned out to be easier than expected… I Finally just made an appointment to get my taxes done today! The lovely accountant I spoke with was so soothing and calm and said that it won’t be difficult at all. Phew!!!

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Yay! I’m excited for you, Rosa. That’s great news ~ nothing like a calm and soothing accountant. 🙂

13. Barb - June 28, 2011

Best way to deal with people like that is to ignore them; put her into the Spam and flush her down the toilet!

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Barb.

{{whoosh}} . . . and away goes trouble down the drain.

14. therealsharon - June 28, 2011

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”-Thumper 🙂
I love that quote from Bambi and I try to go by it. I feel like if I don’t necessarily agree with everything someone says on their blog for whatever reason, I just don’t say anything or just comment on what I DO agree with and move on. Everyone’s blog is THEIR space and they have a right to say what they want, whether everyone else agrees or not! 🙂
I do NOT think you’re insane, you have your own beliefs and ways of doing things and who has the right to judge how you do things. It’s YOUR blog, do what you want! 🙂

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Sharon.

I don’t mind people disagreeing with me . . . as long as they don’t become disagreeable in the process. Sharing contrary facts, figures, and opposing opinions is fine by me, resorting to name calling and throwing tantrums is not.

Making this decision has been such a relief. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Aah . . . bliss!

therealsharon - June 28, 2011

Name calling and tantrums sounds juvenile anyways!
I can imagine getting rid of such IS bliss!

15. ceceliafutch - June 28, 2011

Good for you! I have not been privy to all the goings on, but more power to anyone who boots toxicity to the curb!!! :mrgreen: (just checking this out…I’ve never done it before and I read how to do this in one of the earlier comments…this has been fascinating reading!)

nrhatch - June 28, 2011

Thanks, Cecelia. Today has been a Red Letter Day! For more reasons than one. I’m going to sleep great tonight. :mrgreen:

16. Melanie - June 29, 2011

This is YOUR space. Do not heaitate to block out someone who behaves in ways you find unacceptable. They have anywhere / everywhere else on the web to behave as they please (if others will tolerate it)

I feel bad when I do it, but really life is too short to put up with that sort of stuff

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Thanks, Melanie! I agree. When we set appropriate boundaries, and insist that others honor them, we reaffirm our inner worth.

In this case, she “stepped on my toes” once too often ~ so it made sense to reaffirm, “my peace of mind is worth protecting from toxicity in people, places, and things.”

17. Tammy - June 29, 2011

I have observed at least one of those strings of interactions and must say that I thought that you were so much more patient than I. Not sure if the time out box is a metaphor or what but I’m all for it.

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Thanks, Tammy. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. And give them several bites at the apple. And not jump to conclusions. But . . . eventually all “good things” must end. 😀

The “Time Out Box” is a screening feature on Word Press. If we put words or names in the box and someone tries to post a comment using those words or names, their comment is held for moderation until reviewed and approved.

It allows administrators to reclaim the reins from errant visitors.

18. Tilly Bud - June 29, 2011

It’s the right decision; you have been more than patient, and I have marvelled at your tolerance.

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Thanks, Tilly. Patience and tolerance are worth developing . . . as long as we don’t become doormats in the process.

I finally tired of cleaning up the “mud” she tracked in.

19. granny1947 - June 29, 2011

You mad thing you…don’t change…we love you!

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Thanks, Granny. You made me laugh. 😀

Your comment reminds me of Jon Lobitz giving a sly look around before declaring . . . She’s mad, I tell you. Mad.

20. Penny - June 29, 2011

Nancy, as I can relate to your delimma-with the negativity comments-some people choose to live their life inside the box, full of negativity-and very sadly get some sort of satisfaction out of it all. Life is too short to live your life in a box, I would rather be outside of the box-its a beautiful world and living in a positive state brings so much joy. 🙂

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

You’re right. And me too! I’d much rather be positive with a few negative stripes, than negative with a few positive stripes.

21. eof737 - June 29, 2011

I second that…. banished to the Time Out Box indefinitely is a sage decision. Life is too short to have to deal with tantrums and verbal salvos. 🙂

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Having to decide on a comment-by-comment basis meant I had to read her words & decide whether or not to post them.

Now I’ve given myself permission to ignore them completely. Aah . . . that’s better. 🙂

22. earlybird - June 29, 2011

Definitely the right decision. And I agree with Melanie. This is YOUR space. You make the rules. She doesn’t want to go elsewhere that’s her problem.

Yes! Ignore her. She doesn’t deserve your time or your energy.

nrhatch - June 29, 2011

Thanks, EB. I agree. She received more than her “fair share” of my time and attention over the past 15 months. I’m ready to turn my attention elsewhere . . . somewhere more conducive to peace of mind. 😀

23. oldancestor - June 30, 2011

You can change people by punching them in the face. It leaves a bruise.

Just remember: I bring creative solutions!

nrhatch - June 30, 2011

Bwahaha! A knuckle sandwich is, indeed, a creative solution! Thanks, OA! 😀

24. jannatwrites - July 1, 2011

You’re not insane…you’re just extremely patient. I actually saw a comment from this person on another blog where she said she would never comment on SLTW again, so I was surprised when I saw comments here after that. I’m impressed that you played along for as long as you did.

Sometimes time outs don’t work. When they fail, spanking can sometimes work. Oh never mind – just go for the punch in the face, like Old Ancestor suggested 😉

nrhatch - July 1, 2011

She left in a huff, taking her toys with her on more than one occasion. But she kept coming back. And I opened the door and welcomed her in . . . thinking maybe she would have changed in the interim.

This week, I slammed the door in her face.
And locked it.
Then threw away the key.

If she sneaks in through the back door . . . I’m going to Plan B (as suggested by OA): punch her in the face.

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