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The Queen of Hearts May 10, 2011

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Happiness, Humor, Spirit & Ego.
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Some blogs have a specific focus.  Regular readers come round because they enjoy the subject matter or the blogger or both.

Comments on unrelated subject matter can be distracting and annoying, as can extended digressions or attempts to hijack the discussion by visitors with their own agendas.

If I’m attending a discussion on Wine Tasting 101, I expect the moderator to cut off extraneous comments more conducive to Fly Fishing for Beginners.

To keep comment threads on an even keel, I police this blog and engage in censorship when I feel it’s warranted.

The same is true of most magazines and newspapers.  Editors choose what to leave in and what to leave out . . . based on the subject matter of the periodical and by gauging the interests of its readers.

Here on SLTW, when visitors stay on point, I’m delighted to hear them out.  

I don’t mind people disagreeing with me . . . unless they become disagreeable in the process.

I object to name calling.  It’s a big “no-no” in my book. 

On the rare occasion that a visitor wanders too far beyond the boundaries of the topic at hand, I tend to rein them in a bit.  If they persist, I encourage them to find another (more appropriate) venue for their comments. 

That’s the wonderful thing about the blogosphere ~ there is a venue for every perspective under the sun.  

If you can’t find the discussion you’re looking for, you are free to create a blog to address your unique interests.

When I stumble across a blog with a subject matter that annoys me, I leave.

Quietly. 

It’s not my job to police other bloggers or their blogs.  I need not make my presence known by attempting to disrupt the discussion with my contrary view of the world.   I expect the same courtesy here on SLTW. 

On occasion, a visitor to SLTW has gotten annoyed that I’m not willing to accept any and all  comments . . . that I’m unwilling to set aside my view of the world to accommodate their view of the world. 

Too bad. 

This morning, an occasional visitor accused me of acting like Queen of the Castle.  C’est la vie.      

Rather than getting annoyed at his characterization, or  emulating the Queen of Hearts (by screaming, Off with his head!), I encouraged him to wander down the cyber hallway and see if he could find a venue more to his liking.

As Queen of the Castle, it’s up to me to handle all types of visitors and comments . . .

By accepting them, applauding them, embracing them, ignoring them, and (in rare instances) deleting them. 

Quote:  He who trims himself to suit everyone else will soon whittle himself away. ~ Raymond Hull

No rules.  Just write! 

How about you?  Have you ever had someone try to hijack the discussion on your blog by calling you names or insulting others?

How did you handle it?

Related posts:  Let Billow Your Sails7 Ways to Increase Blog Traffic * Our Field of Dreams * Rules of the House * Life is NOT a Free-For-All

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Comments»

1. Paula Tohline Calhoun - May 10, 2011

Bravo! That’s what the blogosphere is for! It’s to express how you feel, and not to shape your likes or dislikes to anyone else’s point of view. “Free speech” is for you to speak freely on YOUR OWN BLOG! Not to insist that the blog you are reading conform to your own tastes. Or to stray too far from the point. . .BTW, that reminds me of a story. . . LOL

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Bwahaha . . . I love your stories and the stories shared by most readers. I enjoy the occasional “aside” . . . as long as it’s in some way related to the topic under discussion.

But when I’m attending a presentation and the conversation gets de-railed by one attendee because the moderator is too “chicken” to ask them to stay on topic . . . it annoys me.

Most blogs, including SLTW, are not intended to be Free For Alls where anything goes. 😀

2. Barbara Gunn - May 10, 2011

I haven’t had that problem, but I have occasionally had problems with people who go on and on, expressing their take on the points I work hard to briefly make. I have at times suggested that they write their own blog.

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

That’s excellent advice to give, Barbara.

Anytime someone doesn’t like things around here, I remind them they are free to play by their rules if and when they start their own blog. 😀

3. SuziCate - May 10, 2011

I’ve only had it happen once…I wrote something tongue in cheek about Facebook and it’s games, not about anyone in particular and someone took it personally and accused me of being antisocial!
I say you go…keep ’em in line…your blog, your rules! I think everyone should be respectful of others right to post what they want on their blog. BTW, did you see my virtual curtsy when I wrote this?!

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

It’s hard for me to imagine you being viewed as “antisocial.” My best guess ~ they KNEW they wasted too much time on FB and weren’t ready to make the necessary changes.

I like being Queen of the Castle . . . because I look grand in a tiara!

Lovely virtual curtsy, by the way. 😉

4. Tilly Bud - May 10, 2011

As I recall, The QoH never listened to anybody – not a Nancy at all:)

The good thing about my blog is that it’s lighthearted so people tend to leave funny comments.

Somebody was mean to me on Facebook once. I was polite back and then defriended them. I dislike confrontation and believe a soft word turns away wrath. For the most part.

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Thanks, Tilly! I try to listen and keep an open mind, but I refuse to be “bullied” into doing what someone else wants me to do when it doesn’t make sense to me.

I’ve defriended a few folks on FB who turned out not to be “my cup of tea.” I suppose de-friending someone on FB is a bit like “be-heading” them in Wonderland. 😉

5. kateshrewsday - May 10, 2011

I always feel if one owns a castle one should be able to set the tone within its walls. Otherwise, what’s the point?

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Exactly! Well put, Kate.

It’s not my goal to ruffle feathers and step on toes . . . but at times that’s the “cost” of doing business.

When we are unwilling to risk anything . . . we risk everything.

6. Rosa - May 10, 2011

I have been lucky that people nearly always just tell me what they think of the painting I have picked on any given day, or respond to a comment I have left on their blog. But as far as SLTW goes, you Are queen of the castle! If people don’t like the way you run it, they should go someplace else, or start their own castle, er blog!

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Thanks, Rosa.

I know he intended to insult me . . . but I took the analogy as a compliment of “highest order.” Long live the Queen!

I shall strive to be a benign monarch. 😉

7. Naomi - May 10, 2011

Have to say, I love all these kitties, especailly the big boy…but sorry you’ve experienced cattiness 😉

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Thanks, Naomi.

I expect he’s just a bit “out of his element” here ~ a “fish” out of water.

8. CMSmith - May 10, 2011

When you reach out to a lot of people, you are bound to rub some of them the wrong way. It’s your blog. You rule.

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

I don’t think I could have blogged years ago. I would have been paralyzed with fear at the thought that someone might get upset at something I said.

Now, I’ve lived long enough to realize that there is always someone waiting to take offense . . . even when none is intended.

These days, it’s easier for me to take the opinions of others in stride, without being thrown completely off balance.

When we know WHO we are . . . we know HOW to live. And blog.

9. barb19 - May 10, 2011

Your rules – your blog – your say. Cheers Nancy!

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Long live the Queen! 😉

10. eof737 - May 10, 2011

Nancy, life is short and I don’t like hecklers in general… Like you said, you are queen of your kingdom vis a vis your blog. You have the last word on your blog. Same here on mine… I delete them. 🙂

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Good for you! I love listening to different viewpoints on life . . . but not when the listening is one sided.

A healthy “give and take” is what I’m after. Balance in all things. Thanks, Eliz!

11. Lisa Wields Words - May 10, 2011

I’ve only had a couple of really negative comments on one post. But, since I knew the post would trigger some, I simply responded politely and left them there. Of course, that was before I had much traffic on my blog anyway. People don’t discuss my blogs as much as yours. Sigh.(Down little green monster, down!) Okay, I’m back. I get angry when people disrespect people’s blogs, so I’m glad you police and keep control.

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Thanks, Lisa. Don’t pay any attention to the little green monster. Bad monster. 😉

I sometimes take “extreme” positions on controversial issues which tends to provoke heated discussions. That’s cool. I love having folks weighing in on both sides of the issues by bringing NEW FACTS to the table.

But if they disagree without offering any facts to support their disagreement, that type of merry-go-round gets tedious quickly.

Glad you had a safe flight!

12. Maggie - May 10, 2011

It’s your blog. Of course you’re the Queen of the Castle. Silly people…

It’s the same on my blog. I ramble about what I want to ramble about, and if someone who comes in doesn’t like it for whatever reason… well, it’s my blog and I reign supreme! 🙂

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Thanks, Maggie. It’s good to be Queen! 😀

I expect I provoke some people by choosing provocative topics. But they’re issues that I feel should be discussed . . . calmly and rationally.

Intellectual debate can be quite delicious when emotions are checked at the Castle gates. 😉

13. Patricia - May 10, 2011

I don’t have that many comments to my silliness on my blog but I am open to discussion. However, if the discussion is all one sided or were to get nasty somebody would have to go home–and since I am already home it wouldn’t be me leaving.

All hail the Queen!

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Thanks, Patricia. It’s a bit of a balancing act at times. Maybe I need a Court Jester! 😉

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

BTW: After running around to check out your silliness . . . I subscribed.

I like the way you think. 😉

Patricia - May 11, 2011

Thanks–it’s usually pretty silly there–but sometimes I go on a rant…

14. Cindy - May 10, 2011

If one is queen one has the ultimate power to banish any pups who poop one ones lawn, off with his head!

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Well put! When someone sticks their neck out too far . . . it might end up on the chopping block. Or result in banishment from the Kingdom.

15. oldancestor - May 10, 2011

I’m looking for more scandal on my blog.

Won’t someone come by and say something rude?

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Ooh, ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

I shall have to do better . . . or worse . . . when visiting The Anvil. 😉

16. souldipper - May 10, 2011

Some of the greatest speeches are the ones left unsaid. Let’s not lose the ability to love silence and appreciate its power.

Your Majesty, please remember it is your perogative to rule your realm with the last two lines of Invictus firmly in mind.

nrhatch - May 10, 2011

Oh, I like that, Amy:

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

And that sums it up perfectly ~ I don’t need visitors to tell me HOW I should steer my ship. They have their own ship to steer.

17. jannatwrites - May 11, 2011

I have well-behaved people on my blog – no problems that I can recall.

I do find it interesting that someone would take issue with you monitoring the content of your blog. Why shouldn’t you – it’s your space? I wonder if this person would allow a visitor to track mud all over his house, or if he would politely ask the visitor to take his/her shoes off at the door? Same thing.

If someone told me I was acting like Queen of the Castle, I’d have one thing to say: “thank you so much!” And then I’d go buy myself a jeweled tiara.

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

As Maggie summed up so well: silly people . . .

It wasn’t even an original comment ~ it was a quote from a book. I said, No. He got annoyed. So be it.

I wrote this post in part due to the recent questions about the Time Out Box. I trust most of my readers to “behave” and play nicely in the sandbox . . . but I like to keep a closer eye on a few of them. 😉

18. earlybird - May 11, 2011

I’m coming a bit late to this discussion, but I agree with everything you say in your post. I haven’t had this problem yet. (I’ve not been at it long!) But I did have to gently discourage one friend from posting her ‘better’ recipe to every one of mine! I suggested she might like to start her own blog… she apologised for getting carried away in her enthusiasm! You choose. Anyone else can go away. Keep up the good work.

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

I get carried away with enthusiasm sometimes. 😳

I read a post and it reminds me of a post I did on a related subject, and I want to toss out the link in case they’re interested . . . and some people aren’t.

As a new subscriber to your blog, I’m enjoying your posts . . . even if the Francis’s birds got their gooses cooked. 😉

19. Sandra Bell Kirchman - May 11, 2011

Nancy, if you are the Queen of the Castle, does that make the dissenter the Dirty Rascal? 😛

There’s an old saying: if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

Better to take a stand and stand firm than be blown around in any vagrant wind. (That’s my quote ;))

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

I agree! I’d rather let my light shine . . .

Better to be disliked for being WHO I am, than liked for being a fake and phony imposter.

If I am not “me” . . . I am nobody. 😎

20. Team Oyeniyi - May 11, 2011

I have to say I really have not experienced an issue at all. All my comments have been supportive.

I did at one stage get some horrific spam comments – not the usual “we want to sell you something” spam, this was vicious. I deleted them, wrote about it and have not been bothered again.

You ARE the Queen of YOUR Castle: SLTW. You are entitled to call the shots.

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

For the most part, I am impressed with the ability of most bloggers and readers to share divergent opinions without getting all “hot and bothered” by the differences.

Unity and love are the heart of creation . . .

21. vixter2010 - May 11, 2011

You should be Queen of the castle – it’s your blog, you write what you want to write about, the way you want to write it! If people don’t like it, they shouldn’t read it 🙂

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

I’m delighted that his view seems to be the minority view on this issue. I expect that most visitors to SLTW don’t feel they’ve had to “stifle” their comments or “muzzle” their enthusiasm in comment threads. 🙂

22. granny1947 - May 11, 2011

Hehehe…I will try to remember the rules. 🙂

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

It’s always a delight when you visit, Granny!

23. ceceliafutch - May 11, 2011

Well said!

nrhatch - May 11, 2011

Thanks, Cecelia. It’s good to be Queen! 😀

24. William D'Andrea - May 12, 2011

I thought this blog would be like the WTF Projects in webook.com. In those Projects everybody said whatever they wanted, about anything they wanted. As long as nobody got abusive, everything was acceptable. I didn’t realize that the rules were different here.

As for me, I am first of all a writer of fiction, and I welcome any and all feedback. I thought you would be that way too.

nrhatch - May 12, 2011

Nope, this isn’t Daily WTF . . . this is Spirit Lights The Way.

While I allow visitors wide latitude in the comments posted . . . merely quoting archaic biblical scripture at me does NOT qualify as a comment or feedback. 😎

25. William D'Andrea - May 12, 2011

As a writer, I see myself as an entertainer, and my stories are my performances. As a performer, I am a natural comedian, and when I am writing, this joker is wild.

If you are Queen, I might be your Jester. While the Jester may act like a fool, he is actually a very clever man, who gets to eat at the monarch’s table, and has the monarch’s ear.

Will your Majesty give your ear to this Jester?

nrhatch - May 12, 2011

That depends on what you have to say, William.

I don’t need you to pray for me . . . nor do I need you to quote the bible at me.

nrhatch - May 12, 2011
26. Greg Camp - May 12, 2011

As has been said, it’s your castle, so where’s the controversy? My policy is to smack offenders with withering criticism, but I’m grumpy and oppositional.

As an aside, if I’m permitted, Your Majesty, I love the cat images, especially the one going after the toilet paper. I have a Tonkinese who does that, and I laugh every time you put that one up.

nrhatch - May 12, 2011

No controversy from my perspective.

Unlike a frazzled mom who ultimately gives in to relentless whining and childish tantrums, I stand tall in the face of playground taunts of “I hate you!” and “That’s not fair.” 😎

People who want to thump the bible must find another forum in which to do so.

BTW: If you want that avatar . . . it’s available at avatarist.com. They have an excellent selection of FREE graphics. It’s a FUN place to “shop.”

27. William D'Andrea - May 14, 2011

If you don’t want me to bother you, I won’t. I’d prefer to concentrate on my fiction writing, which I find much more satisfying.

nrhatch - May 14, 2011

You do not “bother” me, William . . . but I’m not going to post excerpts from the bible, nor prayers about the devil or satan.

I don’t believe in that type of archaic nonsense and will not promote fear-based beliefs on SLTW.


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