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No Fooling! April 1, 2011

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Nature.
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Snakes and other reptiles (like alligators) can be a real problem for homeowners in several areas of the country.

As my April Fool’s Day gift to you, here’s a quick primer on snakes that you can cut out and post on your fridge (with other important papers).

There are two types of snakes.  

No ~ not poisonous and non-poisonous (or, more accurately, venomous and non-venomous).

While that distinction is a useful classification tool for herpetologists;  it’s too cumbersome for the rest of us.

Instead, snakes should be classified as either dead or alive.

If you find a dead snake in your yard, leave it alone . . . as long as the more squeamish members of your family are not going to trip over it.

You don’t want to be woken from a nap by a shrill shriek, “EEEKKKK”  (translation: “there’s a snake in the yard and I almost stepped on it!”) or, even worse, “EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!” (translation, “I stepped on a snake!”).

What if you go out to the yard and you come face to face with an Anaconda?

It is alive.

Who are you going to call?  No, not Indiana Jones . . . Animal Control.

Why not tackle the beast yourself?  Two reasons: (1) it is illegal to kill snakes (and other reptiles) in many states; and (2) if you toss it over the fence for your neighbor to deal with, he’s just going to toss it back.

Do NOT play “Monkey in the Middle” with unwanted reptiles.  Call Animal Control.

If Indiana Jones can’t handle snakes, neither can you.

In Florida, a guy found an eighteen foot long snake in his back yard recycling pond.  It took two Animal Control officers about 20 minutes to catch the snake which weighed over 100 pounds.  One of the officers barely escaped a serious bite from the enormous fangs.

True story!  No fooling!

The snake is now used to teach children about Wild America at an area wildlife rehabilitation center.

Okay, chances are good that the reptile in your yard is neither poisonous nor an Anaconda.

If it’s a small, non-poisonous snake that is still alive:

(1) go back into the house until it wanders off the property on its own, or

(2) flag down the kid who mows your yard and ask him if he wants a new pet.

No rules.  Just write!

What about you?  Are you squeamish about snakes . . . or do you fancy yourself as a snake charmer?

Related posts: Got Snakes??? * Indiana Jones Wouldn’t.  Would You? * A Quick Quiz ~ Florida Fatalities * April Fool’s Day Contest * I’ve Come To A Decision (IGW) * The April Fools (PTC) * WordPress is Mean (Tilly Bud) * Marla and Me (Write Up My Life) * Good Employees Gone Foolish (Janna) * April Fool’s Day Pranks (Clar)