Oh . . . Da Pain! Da Pain!

St. Paula (middle), 347-404 A.D.

This Thanksgiving, among other things, I am thankful that I do NOT feel like I did this time LAST year . . . 

I am dedicating this post to St. Paula  with the hope that she will soon feel similar gratitude for pain that is ebbing, rather than flowing: 

11/20/2009:  I’m not dressed this morning, due to unrelenting pain in my left shoulder from Shoulder Impingement Syndrome.

If you’ve never experienced SIS before, count your blessings!   If you have, you know it’s like having someone standing over you with a sledge hammer ~ cheerfully smashing your shoulder blades every time you move a muscle, or take a sharp intake of breath.

Now, before you envision me sitting naked at the keyboard, let me assure you that I’m decent ~ wearing a huge button-down shirt of BFF’s that covers up all the essentials, while doing absolutely nothing to mask the pain.

I’ve tried icing the area, repeatedly ~ resulting in cold pain.  I’ve tried a heating pad, repeatedly ~ resulting in warm pain.  I’ve been popping Advil and Aleve like gummi bears . . . with absolutely no relief.

It feels as if the dentist is drilling through the muscles and tendons and bones in my shoulder, without first numbing the area with Novocaine.

On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain is about an “8” ~ as long as I keep my left arm glued to my side like a broken chicken wing, and only wiggle my fingers.  If I try to move my shoulder, even a fraction of an inch, the pain shoots excruciatingly down my arm to my finger tips, while simultaneously traveling up my arm, and down my torso, to my stomach, where waves of nausea engulf me.

With a bit of finagling, I’ve managed to get an appointment with an orthopedic specialist for 3:30 this afternoon ~ he’s the doctor for the Cincinnati Reds during Spring Training so I know that he’s worth the wait, but still the minutes are dragging on, each one longer than the last.

The pain started two days ago, with a twinge in my left shoulder that kept growing and growing and growing ~ like watching a plane come in for landing.   It started as a dot on the radar, and rapidly grew in size until it encompassed my entire being with its screaming jet-engine like intensity.

It’s impossible to sleep on my left side, or my stomach, without  Fourth of July fireworks exploding in my shoulder.  Since I generally sleep on my left side, the last two nights of slumber have resulted in intermittent dozing, alternating with debilitating pain.   I’ve spent hours in bed, flat on my back, anxiously awaiting respite from the pain ~ when I fall into fitful sleep for  a few blessed moments at a time.

Getting in and out of bed during the sleepless hours is problematic, but necessary ~ first to get more Advil, and then to get more ice, and then to get a cracker to nibble on so the Advil won’t destroy my digestive tract.  The Advil isn’t doing much for the pain, but it’s doing a swell job of causing turbulence in my nether regions.

So, while I still live on Fantasy Island, Tattoo is not standing on the dock  screaming “Da Plane, Da Plane!”  Instead, my shoulder has drowned him out with its chorus of “Da Pain!  Da Pain!”

Here’s hoping that a cortisone shot this afternoon will bring me some much needed relief.

Footnote:  Last year, after the cortisone shot, my arm improved in short order.  I am extremely grateful to be having a PAIN FREE Thanksgiving this year, and wish the same for St. Paula and all my friends around the world. 

Feel better soon, Paula!