Compassion Makes It Happen November 1, 2010
Posted by nrhatch in Mindfulness.trackback
When we hang on to grudges, the surface of our mind is agitated, white caps churning.
We know no peace.
When we allow transgressions to fade away, stillness returns and provides a reflective surface in which we can truly see the world.
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Spirit Lights The Way 
Very true, Nancy, I’ve always envisioned a grudge as a kind of tumor.
A malevolent spot on our souls.
NaNoWriMo started . . . it’s apt to be a tad emptier in cyber-space as our writer friends engage in solitary sessions.
Writing, writing, madly writing. 🙂
The three R’s are not only reading, ‘riting, and ‘rithmetic, but the spiritual ones: repentance, (meaning change of heart, etc.) reconciliation,and redemption…. And yes compassion is needed if there is going to be forgiveness. There is always rewriting needed to done, however, so that what has been can be truly forgotten and truly put in the past by constantly seeking ways to write it anew. It’s an ongoing, never ending process, I feel. But if it is possible, Salvation, then may also be possible, for all, and it would take a ‘joint effort’ of all for all! Impossible? or Possible? After all, there’s always those little ‘sticky’ moments. It’s a lot of ‘work’. grin grin Happy rewriting.
Some people may need to rewrite the past in order to allow it to fade away.
Others may just need to turn their attention to matters of greater import . . . like living in the here and now.
Thank you. History will rewrite itself without our help, we live the past in the moment, in the now, without being conscious of it, unless we make the effort through a rewrite. That’s my opinion anyway, and I’ll stick with it. There is nothing of more import that what we unconsciously bring from the past. Awareness has to be worked on all the time, unless one considers oneself an absolute, or God or Spirit. Even this past moment of writing this dialogue, could use a rewrite. That’s because we have, or pardon me, I have not gained perfection. So wish me well in my rewrites, I will not speak for the ‘others who may need to turn to matters of greater import’, but I do value the opportunity to speak JUST for myself. Thank you.
Yes, that’s my point.
We must both THINK and SPEAK for ourselves . . . without insisting that others accept our view of the world.
As my later years chalk up, I am finding more and more that what has passed for a grudge in my world was my emotional reaction to a some kind of disappointment.
And, while I’m not there 100% yet, I am finding two things that make it less likely for me to find a grudge in the shrubbery, let alone hold onto it.
One: Taking offense at what someone says is silly. It can only really bother me if I believe what the other person says is true. In which case I have offended myself.
and, two: getting upset by something I have no control over–e.g., somebody cuts me off while driving, also doesn’t pay. I have no way of knowing what was in (or absent from) the mind of the “offendee”. For me to take offense, yet again, I have to make up something, some reason for the other’s action, and then DECIDE to be offended.
I’m finding I don’t have nearly so much time for that kind of thing anymore.
Yes!!!
You’ve hit the nail on the head . . . when we control our thoughts, we control our life.
If we disagree with someone’s negative opinion of us, we can brush it off easily. No harm done.
If we see the truth in their opinion, we need to re-evaluate our actions in the future . . . but not to please them, to please the “man in the mirror.”
Like you, I don’t have sufficient time to worry about what everyone else on the planet thinks about me, or to create stories to explain their inexplicable actions.
And, speaking of time, I am amazed to see you wandering around cyber-space on November 1st offering up such wonderful comments. I figured that you’d be putting 110% of your writing efforts toward NaNoWriMo, especially on Day #1.
Good for you for keeping your life in balance! Good luck with your NaNo challenge this month.
I do find, however, that it is difficult not to take offense at people who take offense at me. I believe that is what is called re-active behavior, which is a different kind of ego manifestation that the self which always assumes there ideas are better and they have nothing to learn, and consequently take offense at people they consider their inferiors.
In other words, control of one’s thoughts is the ability to have compassion and not to take offense, or give offense. Directly or indirectly. Equanimity according to Buddhism suggests that there is peace only when persons are treated with at least a spiritual equality.
Of course it’s difficult not to take offense when others look at us askance . . . after all, we are both hard-wired and socialized to care about what others think of us.
It’s difficult, but it becomes easier and easier with practice . . . we recognize that what others think of us is just their opinion. It’s neither right, nor wrong.
We can then say, “What you think of me is none of my business,” and mean it.
At that point, we are FREE of the constraints of trying to please others at the expense of our selves.
So, yes, it’s difficult. But it’s worth it. After all, our freedom is at stake.
Hi! I love what you have written about compassion. I recently wrote a blog on “Compassion, COMPASSion, ComPASSION” which you and your readers my find of interest. You can read it at: http://findfulfillflourish.wordpress.com/2010/09/13/compassion-and-compassion/
I’d love for you to visit my blog and share your thoughts. My focus is on living a more fulfilling and meaningful life, and the themes we discuss overlap. Please let me know what you think. Your readers may also find it thought-provoking.
You can find it at: http://findfulfillflourish.wordpress.com/
Steve
Your article is interesting as it encompasses the compass behind our passion.
Thanks for stopping by! I’ll be reading more of your blog.
On your reply: If I swore at you would you be offended? If someone wanted to speak with you personally rather than objectively would you be offended and cut off the relationship? Would you consider it dysfunction? What is dysfunctional? What are the limits? If someone criticized you would they be dysfunctional? Would you exclude them for that, think their opinion inferior, and consequently feel that because you were in the right, that you wouldn’t need to compromise in any way with someone you didn’t agree with. Would you belittle someone, even if indirectly, for not agreeing with you, nay, for offering another perspective on life?
Just questions? I am not offended? Just attempting to understand what makes you tick.
P.S. I believe that in order to have compassion you have to put out the effort to understand another and see their perspective. This, interestingly, conflict, or contradicts above that what another person things is none of one’s business. But then, how would or could one assume that one knows their motivations. Unless the thought of what there motivation is is merely the projection of the thoughts of the person who assumes they know what the motivation of another is! If you want to know another’s motivation then you have the same interest in me, in assuming, or trying to learn why, or how another person treats you the way they do, or at least says, thinks, and acts the way they do. Again, a contradiction between what is said at one time, with what was said ‘in the past’. Somehow I feel something has to be ‘rewritten’ to get rid of the contradiction.
You’ve covered quite a bit of ground in these last two comments.
* You have sworn at me, remember? (If I recall correctly, you called me a “phony bitch.”) And, no, I was NOT offended. Your opinion is your opinion.
* When you seek to understand me, it does NOT offend me, but I’m not inclined to share my personal history with everyone who asks. No one but me (and perhaps my BFF) needs to understand “how I tick.”
* Know thyself and you will know how to live. You don’t need me to lay my cards on the table to accomplish that.
* My refusal to engage in that type of analysis with strangers in cyber-space stems from reasons other than being offended. I find rehashing of the past to be counter productive to living life in the here and now.
* It’s fine that you disagree, but that doesn’t mean that I need to stop what I’m doing to satisfy your curiosity about “who I am.”
* If I enjoy spending time with someone, I seek to spend more time with them. If I don’t, I seek to spend less time with them. So, yes, I often cut people out of my life. If I tried to spend time with EVERYONE I’ve ever known, when would I have time to live MY life???
* Consistency is over-rated. We are replete with contradictions. So what?
* Seeing the immediate motivation behind people’s actions is not so difficult as you imagine. Sometimes it’s as easy as opening our eyes, and listening.
* And, if I’m wrong on occasion, I can live with that.
Errors: Rewrite: Thus,l. interestingly,2. thinks instead of things is none of one’s business; (I liked the circular argument about motivation.) 3. same interest as me, not in me. 4. On contradictions. I believe they are fine so far as it is the emotions that are concerned; in fact they are welcome in a world where we all can be multitudes, but not within the ancillary of passion; i.e. reason.
Well leave it there then. Whenever someone swears at you may you always have other people to fall back upon, people who will boost you up and take your ‘side’ in the confrontation. I wonder if, if the Spirit within is an it, that it is possible as man, or woman, to find a non-contradictory identification with it. But this is not Theology l0l. These are however, very difficult questions, especially if we believe that we ourselves have the
Divine within us. All the best.
I rarely need to rely on others to “boost me up” since I don’t let people “knock me down” in the first place. 8)
And, you’re right, this is not Theology 101.
Hopefully my compassion comes out when I am being the kind of person I want to be with.
I almost always see your compassion and kindness shining through. When I don’t, it’s probably because me eyes are closed. 8)
As I said above, “If I enjoy spending time with someone, I seek to spend more time with them. If I don’t, I seek to spend less time with them.”
Since I don’t want to cut myself out of my own life . . . I strive to be the type of person I want to spend time with. 🙂
If we don’t like ourselves . . . we’re apt to be in for a bumpy ride on the journey through life. 😉
After reading this blog and some of the dialogue, I thought this might relevant enough to share here:
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Stop-Seeking-Approval
Wow! Approval whores . . . what a great moniker.
“Anything we do solely to please others, in the absence of either real desire or moral necessity is a way of selling ourselves, our lives, our energy. Ask yourself whether the dose of approval you expect to gain from this behavior is worth losing a piece of the real you. I’d be the last one to judge you if the answer is yes. All I ask is that you be aware that this is prostitution, not virtue.”
Loved the article. Thanks, Joanne!
But WAIT… there’s more…!
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/A-4-Step-Plan-for-Approval-Junkies-Martha-Beck
Fascinating articles. Thanks, Joanne!
Grudges ruin lives. Some people carry them on their shoulders never realizing they are there.
Grudges and resentment are heavy burdens . . . until we choose to set them down.