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Paddocks and Padlocks April 7, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Humor, People.

220px-Horse_and_ManAttendees at the Steeplechase Horse Race are serious about two things:  watching the race and drinking beer.

In short, they drink, and pee, like race horses.

Following their lead, I downed a few cold ones and decided it was time to make “a visit.”

Outside the Ladies Room, a spiraling line of women, at varying levels of sobriety, waited for admittance.

Quickly counting the number of heads, I realized that I would never cross the finish line in time.

Turning, I saw a row of portable toilets with no lines.

Hmm . . .

Due to the somewhat deficient bathroom situation at this annual event, serious drinkers rent private Port-A-Johns, locking them with padlocks between visits so “commoners” (like me) don’t deplete their TP!

Live and learn.

Since my rather pressing situation called for drastic measures, I darted into one of the private Port-A-Johns as soon as its owner exited.  I slammed and locked the door from inside, and proceeded to take care of my rather urgent business.

“Hey!  What the hell do you think you are doing?,” demanded a man from outside the outhouse.

“I gotta pee, man!”

“Not in my John.  Get out.”

“C’mon, man!  Give me a break . . . I have to GO!”

“Not my problem.  Get out or I’ll lock you in . . . ”

Fortunately, I am ultra efficient when I go to the bathroom, especially when being threatened with incarceration.

Stepping back into the fresh air, and smiling with relief, I came face to face with an angry man, armed with a padlock.

I smiled by most disarming smile,”Hey, man!  Thanks!  I needed that!  . . . Say, can I toss you a cold brew from our cooler to repay the favor?”

“Nah, we’re cool.  It’s all good.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Quote:  Sometimes it’s better to beg forgiveness . . . than ask permission.



1. Joanne - April 8, 2010

Are you for REAL…? No April Fool’s story…? This is hilarious…!!!
I need friends like you where I live…!

2. nrhatch - April 8, 2010

This is for REAL . . . from my law school days. I almost included it in the April Fool’s Contest but ran out of room.

And thanks . . . I could use a friend like you where I live. : )

3. Joanne - April 8, 2010

After reading my last reply… I hope you’ll want to accept the following invitation: Nancy, any time you’re in Southern California, you’ll have a place to stay — forget the hotel…! Seriously…! I’d love to hang out with you…! We could start some real riots down here…

4. nrhatch - April 8, 2010

Thanks, Joanne!

I haven’t flown anywhere in quite some time, but I’ll definitely keep that invite in mind for future reference.

And, if you decide to visit the Sunshine State, let us know.

5. Joanne - April 8, 2010

Who said anything about flying…? Take a road trip for just the price of gas… I just might do the same someday — and I’ll let you know in advance… I have a few cousins in Florida.

6. nrhatch - April 8, 2010

We did a cross country trip once ~ back in 1992.

Spent a month on the road, visiting friends and camping along the way. Great time.

Maybe we need to schedule a similar adventure “down the road.”

7. Joanne - April 8, 2010


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