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Have A Nice Day, Ladies ~ Contest #5 March 30, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Spirit & Ego.
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The April Fool’s Day Contest continues!   Post your best guess below.

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BFF and I saw an amazing display of stupidity and bravado on TV the other night.  Oh, wait, we see amazing displays of stupidity and bravado on TV every night . . . I’ll have to be more specific.

A police officer stopped a car after he filmed it weaving all over the road ~  wobbling back and forth from one side of the road to another as if it couldn’t quite make up its mind where it belonged.

Watching it reminded me of a pinball mindlessly bouncing around in a video arcade . . . bing . . . bing . . . bing.

Concerned about the safety of the motoring public, as well as for bikers and pedestrians who might be in the vicinity, the officer pulled the car over and approached the vehicle on foot.

Inside the car, a young girl of about 14 sat behind the wheel.  Beside her, the most belligerent soccer mom in the world seethed ~ you know the type, the woman in the stands who has to argue about every single call by the Ref, and who does it by relying on a vocabulary that would cause Richard Pryor to blush.

Anyway, here’s the exchange, between the Officer (O), the Soccer Mom (M), and her visibly shaken Daughter (D):

O (addressing D):  Ma’am, I pulled you over because you were driving erratically.  May I see your license and registration?

D: {{silence, except for a slight gulping noise}}

M:  She doesn’t have a license.  I’m teaching her to drive.  Why don’t you go bother someone else?

O (addressing D, and ignoring M): May I see your driving permit, please?

D: {{silence, except for a louder gulping noise}}

M:  She doesn’t have a driving permit.  What the hell does she need that for?  I’m teaching her to drive.

O (now addressing M): Ma’am, she needs a driving permit to operate this vehicle on state or county roads.

M:  Why?  My tax dollars paid for this road.  If I want to teach her to drive on these roads, I’m going to do it . . . and you’re not going to stop me.  Why don’t you leave us the f*ck alone!

O (exhibiting restraint): Ma’am.  I’ll need to see your license and registration.

M:  I’m not giving you my license and registration.  I’m not driving this car.  My daughter is.  You are not getting my f*cking license.  Who the f*ck do you think you are?

D (visibly discomfited by the exchange):  Mom, just give him your license and registration . . . please.

M:  Shut the f*ck up!  This is still a free country.  I am a law-abiding citizen and if I want to teach you to drive, I’m going to do it and he needs to get the f*ck out of our business and go chase real criminals.

O (exhibiting amazing restraint):  Ma’am, if you don’t give me your license and registration, I am going to impound this vehicle and take you to jail.

M:  You are not f*cking taking me to jail.  I’ll take your f*cking ass to court.

D (pleading): Mom, please . . . just give him your license and registration.

O (displaying a sense of humor – always handy in heated exchanges):  At least someone in this vehicle has the sense they were born with.

M:  What the f*ck?  Are you dissing me?  Who the f*ck do you think you are?  Get the f*ck away from my car!  Leave us the hell alone . . .

This continued for another few minutes.

Eventually, Soccer Mom produced her license and registration and received two citations:  one for allowing an underage, unauthorized operator behind the wheel, and one for erratic driving (the mishandling of the vehicle during the weaving and bobbing exercise that precipitated the stop).

O:  I need the two of you to switch seats.  Your daughter cannot drive this vehicle home without a driver’s license or permit.

M (exhibiting no restraint):  She can f*cking drive if I say that she can f*cking drive.  This is my f*cking car.

O:  Ma’am, I need you to switch seats with your daughter.

At this point, the daughter unbuckles her seatbelt, gets out of the car, and walks around to the passenger side, all the while pleading with her mother to get out of the vehicle and get behind the wheel.

After they switch places:

D:  Thank you, Officer.

M:  Don’t thank him.  He’s just another bureaucratic asshole trying to chip away at our rights.  This is a free country and . . . I just want you to know that I’m going to keep doing what I think is best for my daughter and to hell with the rest of you.  You’re all a bunch of f*cking assholes.

O:  Have a nice day, ladies.

At this point, the officer returned to his patrol car, shaking his head in disbelief.

Now, I pride myself on being relatively laid back and keeping my cool in most situations, but I do not think that I could have handled this heated exchange without arresting the  . . .

Soccer Mom.  : )

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OK, guys . . .

Fact or Fiction . . . the absolute Truth or a Tall Tale for April Fool’s Day?

Post your best guess in the Comment Box below and stay tuned for the next installment in our April Fool’s Day Contest.