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Big Brother IS Watching You! July 22, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
Tags: , , , ,
29 comments

2014-05-05 11-35-34_0037Do you ever get the sense that Big Brother is watching?

The sneaking suspicion that someone is recording every move you make?

Every step you take?

On your journey from Here to There.

Do you feel as if someone is peering over your shoulder?

Gauging your progress in getting from where you are to where you want to be?

Well don’t look now, but . . . you’re right!

Big

Brother

IS

Watching

You!

You’re being scrutinized like a bug under a microscope!

And while Big Brother is watching YOU . . . I’m going to make a run for it!

2014-07-13 16-40-11_0031

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  Privacy is Dead * Privacy Risks of Smart Phones * Häagen-Dazs & Pretzel: A Fractured Fairy Tale

Tigger is . . . Ten! July 21, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Amazing Animals, Animal Welfare, Humor.
Tags: , , , ,
50 comments

In 2004, over the Labor Day weekend, we stopped at Sylvia’s farm stand on Deal Island to pick up a watermelon and fresh corn.

Tigger, about 6 weeks old at the time, sauntered over to say hello.

Sylvia said he’d shown up a few days earlier, without mom or siblings.  Her eight-year-old grandson, who had more cats than he could count, wanted to take Tigger home.  Sylvia encouraged us to adopt him instead.

Tigger consented to the arrangement.

We went home with fresh fruit, fresh veggies, and a fresh little ball of fluff and fur with feral feline tendencies.

Tigger1c

First up on the Agenda was the Name Game.  We had to figure out what to call the little guy.

That weekend, Deal Island was celebrating the Skipjack Races, as it has for years and years.  We tested Tigger with the name “Skipper.”  Not a good fit. He seemed less like a Skipper, and more like a Gilligan.  We tried “Gilligan” on for size.  Nope.  Still not right.  Then “Tigger” popped into mind!

We took it for a test drive, calling out, “Hey, Tigger!”

Tigger-BouncingTigger stopped what he was doing, stared straight at us, and began bouncing, side to side, much like a boxer warming up in the ring.

Delighted that we’d discovered his moniker, he bounced from one corner of the room to the other.

Bouncing is what Tiggers do best!

As we watched his personality and mannerisms unfold, we conjectured that he must have been adopted for a short time by a raccoon before being relinquished into Sylvia’s care:

* Tigger loved water.  As a kitten, he hopped into wet sinks and bathtubs to splash in shallow pools.  Every time he heard the toilet flush, he raced to its side to watch the vanishing tide.

* Tigger used his paws like hands.  When we tossed a treat into the air, he jumped up on hind legs to catch the treat, mid arc, with his front paws. Then, treat in hand, he used both paws to bring the morsel to his mouth.

* Instead of bringing his mouth to his food bowl, he’d fish around in the bowl, grab a piece of food, and bring it to his mouth.

He does the same thing when we play “hockey” with treats.  He reaches out with both paws, pushing the treat between them, and lifts it to his mouth.

We shoots . . . he scores!

Our curious conjecture about Tigger’s step-family seemed plausible each time a masked bandit waddled up to the sliding back door to inform us that “the bird feeders are empty and we would like some service, please!”

If any other animal had the effrontery to wander into Tigger’s territory, he chased them away!

Racoon-babyNot so with raccoons.

Instead of growling or yowling in protest, he would race to the back door and stand on his hind legs to emulate the posture of the raccoon on the other side of the glass.

His brave persona didn’t surprise us.

Tigger has always been brave around vacuum cleaners, thunder, other noisy noises, dogs, other nosy noses, and people.

Except the vet.  He dislikes the vet.  With feline intensity.

IMGP4182

For that reason, we opted against treating his diabetes with vet visits and insulin shots.  For the past two years, we’ve focused on “home care” and lots of loving.

But don’t get the wrong idea.  Tigger is NOT a lap cat.

If I pick him up to snuggle, he acts like a teen-aged boy who is “too old for that, mom!” He gives me about 15 seconds before he starts to wriggle and squirm to get away.

2014-06-03 20-48-34_0003

Free-At-Last, he wanders off with a raccoonish waddle to curl up for a nap.

Because napping is what 10-year-old Tiggers do best!

IMGP3843

Happy 10th Birthday, Tigger!  You are Purr-Fect for us!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  Early Consciousness (Kate Crimmons) * Tigger is Sick * Tigger is NOT Your Average Cat * Eat, Drink, and Be Hairy! * It’s Tigger Time! * Don’t Train Us . . . We’ll Train You! * Tigger Had A Busy Summer * Tigger’s End of the Year Wrap Up * Stand Your Ground * Janna’s Kitty, Cybil (Janna T. Writes)

 

 

Oh, When The Cows Come Marching In July 20, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Amazing Animals, Music & Dance, Nature.
Tags: , , ,
31 comments

An impromptu Jazz concert on a Jersey hillside for a bunch of Jerseys.

No cows were harmed in the filming of this video.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Par For The Course July 19, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
29 comments

Golf-BallThe owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

The Ugly Guy’s Guide to Dating Hot Chicks July 14, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
Tags: , , , ,
25 comments

Years ago while collaborating to write 101 Things Every Man Should Know How to Do, I sketched out “The Ugly Guy’s Guide to Dating Hot Chicks.”

Since it didn’t make the cut (i.e., it landed on the cutting room floor), it’s been sitting around in draft form ever since.

I picked it out of the draft folder the other day, brushed it off, and knew with certainty that I would never, ever, not in a million years, want to revise the Ugly Guy’s Guide into anything more than it is.

But it seems selfish to keep it under lock and key when there are guys out there wanting to emulate Billy Bob and Lyle by landing a hot chick.

Here are the top 7 Tips for Dating Hot Chicks:

(1) Be very, very rich.  Or famous.  Or both.  Having buckets of cash at your disposal is often enough, standing alone, to land a hot chick.

(2) Self-confidence is attractive.  Before you head out the door each day, remind yourself that “you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggoneit people like you.”

(3)  Don’t lose hope.  You are not alone.  There are lots of ugly guys out there who date and even marry hot chicks like Angelina Jolie and Julia Roberts.  You can be one of them.  All you need is hope, perseverance, this guide, and gobs of cash (see tip #1).

(4) Don’t read advice like this in front of girls you want to impress.  If a hot chick sees you reading this, toss it aside and say in disgust,  “What the hell!  I don’t need to read this shit!”

(5) Frequent dark bars.  Bring wads of cash.  Buy drinks for hot chicks until their eyes cannot focus, then make your best moves.

Grumpy gus(6) If you strike out in bars, switch gears.  Go to an AA meeting.  Introduce yourself and explain that you drink because you are ugly.  Wait for the supportive “You’re not ugly” from anyone.  Augment your “Yes, I am” with a deep sigh.  As women join the chorus of “you are not ugly,” pick the best looking one and ask her for coffee after the meeting.

Still nothing?

(7) Don’t be shallow.  Beauty is only skin deep and fades with age.  Focus on inner qualities.  Remember you can always drink your ugly date pretty.

Aah . . . that’s better!

People Watching: Food Courts July 13, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Mindfulness, People.
Tags: , , , ,
26 comments

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes; he is 82. We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

As we ate, he honed in on a teenager sitting at the table next to us. The teenager had spiked hair in a wide variety of colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him, without saying anything.

Annoyed, the teenager sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food.

Dear old dad returned the volley with ease, “Got drunk and had sex with a peacock once . . . I was just wondering if you were my kid.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from an unknown author.

Don’t Mess With Old People July 12, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
37 comments

Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be shop . . .

As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.

220px-Peep-at-Christies-Gillray

Gregory said, “Any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked:

“What are you selling here?”

In a voice dripping with sarcasm, Alfred replied, “We’re selling ass-holes.”

Without skipping a beat, the old dear nodded, “Must be doing well.  Only two left.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

 Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

This Is Brilliant! July 11, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Happiness, Humor, Music & Dance.
Tags: , , ,
32 comments

I clicked on this without expecting much in the way of entertainment value:

Surprise!

Aah . . . that’s better!

What did you think about the sound of that Carrot Clarinet?

10 Things I Know About You July 10, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Blogs & Blogging, Fun & Games, Humor, People.
Tags: , , , ,
39 comments

Huey,-Dewey-And-LouieBlogging is a great way to get to know people from all around the globe.

From comment threads and posts, we learn about differences in food, culture, climate, and opinion.

But we also see similarities.

Here are 10 Things I Know About You:

1) You are reading this.

Grumpy gus2)  You are human.  Or a cyborg.  My bet is on human.

3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth!  

That’s rude!

4) You can’t count all the hairs on your body.

5) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

6) You can’t say the letter ”P” without moving your lips.

7) You just attempted to do it.

Donald-Duck-Laughing9) You are laughing at yourself.

10) You skipped No. 8.

11) You just checked to see if there is a No. 8.

So . . . how’d I do?

Did I get any wrong?

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny 1947)

Shifting Priorities July 9, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, People.
Tags: , , , ,
24 comments

Tree-Frog-PerchedAn old man was walking in the forest when he heard by his feet a very weak voice.  He bent down to look and saw that the voice came from a little frog.

“I’m a beautiful and voluptuous princess, skilled in all the carnal pleasures of love. An evil queen, envious of my charms, turned me into a frog.  If you kiss me I will once again be a fair maiden, and will provide you with all the joys and delights of my ardent lust.”

The old man picked up the little frog and put her into his pocket.

Bewildered, the frog asked, “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

“Nope,” replied the old man. “ At my age, it’s more fun to have a talking frog in my pocket than a sex maniac in my bed.”

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Related post:  A Talking Frog & Other Engineering Jokes

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