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Dry Fire in the Pouring Rain April 15, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Humor, Life Lessons.
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20 comments

Dad enlisted in the Army and reported for duty on June 27, 1946, at age 18.

His enlistment, at the end of his first year at Northeastern University, coincided with the end of World War II, just before the Korean War.

At first, mile-long hikes alternated walking and running.  With improved stamina, the recruits ran with guns and packs on their backs.  Officers kept the company company:

“Lieutenant Knoll and the other officers run with us every day.  That is one thing about the infantry, the officers ask the men to do nothing that they won’t do themselves.”

Everyone in the barracks rose early.  When asked about his schedule, he shared the following:

“We have to get up at 5:30, wash, make our beds, and fall out at 6:00 for reveille.  We police up the company and have breakfast at 6:30.  7:30-8:30 First Aid class.  8:30-9:30 Military Courtesy.  9:30 – 11:30 Rifle mechanism and cleaning.  12:00 Dinner.  12:45 Fall in.  1:00-2:30 2 shots and 1 vaccination.  Also examination of eyes and teeth.  Mine were OK.  3:00-4:00 Physical Training (slap boxing and mile run ~ they still let us walk and run alternately).  4:00-5:00 Drill.  5:30 Supper.  6:30-7:00 Rifle inspection by platoon sgt.  7:00-9:00 “G.I. Party” (remove all beds and equipment from barracks to mop and clean it).   9:00 Lights out.  Perhaps this will give you a little idea of our schedule.”

Some days were better than others.  In a letter to Margaret, his step-mother, he wrote:

“Monday it rained hard here.  We were out on the range having what they call dry fire (without live ammunition).  It seemed [other than] dry to me.  The showers here are regular cloudbursts.  We were all soaked to the skin.  We had to walk back to the barracks about 1 1/2 miles through 3 inches of mud.  While on the firing range, we had to lie down in it.  We were really a mess.  They let us change our clothes.”

“A lot of the fellows have been sick here on account of the heat, etc.  A few have had pneumonia.  Some of the others were taken to the hospital after having their shots.  So far I have felt perfectly O.K.  I don’t expect to be sick much while I am in the army either.  That is one thing that I am very lucky in.  I have only been sick once in the last five years and that was chicken pox.”

Dad teased his younger sister Marjorie for taking advantage of his absence:

“Do I have any clothes left and is my radio still working?  I haven’t heard from you much so you must be spending half your evenings at Marshal’s and the other half taking things from my room, namely clothes.”

“The fellows drink a lot of coke here.  We sweat so much that we are thirsty all of the time except at night when it cools off.  It cools off enough at night so that we can sleep comfortably with one army blanket over us and one under.  They don’t issue sheets here.  We have pillow cases though.”

“I suppose that you are rich now that you are working.  If I were you I would try to save all I could.  You will never be sorry.  The money that I saved got me started in college.  Without it, I probably wouldn’t have started.  Now that I am started I can see my way clear to finish as long as the government is going to pay part, or should I say all except for clothing perhaps.”

“This letter is too long for me to write.  I might collapse from shock so I will stop.  Daddy mentioned in his letter that you were going to write so I had better hear from you or else.”

“P.S. Tell Daddy that in an emergency, I could get a furlough if the local Red Cross notified the Red Cross here at the Fort.  I think a doctor has to say that you are needed at home.  I don’t want you to think that I am trying to get home because if I did I would have to take basic training over again from the start.  One fellow got a furlough already because he broke both his wrists the first day on the obstacle course.  Enough said.”

_0001d

Aah . . . that’s better!

Continued tomorrow . . . Can’t Stand the Heat?  Get IN the Kitchen!

Flight 293 April 12, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Travel & Leisure.
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33 comments

AirplaneShortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York.  The weather ahead looks good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight.

So sit back, relax, and . . . OH . . .  MY GOD!

Silence followed.

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom:

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking, a flight attendant dropped a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants.

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled, “For the luvva Jaysus . . . you should see the back of mine!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

The Mad Hatter April 7, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Nature, People, Poetry.
Tags: , , , ,
20 comments
220px-Alice_par_John_Tenniel_27

Wikipedia ~ Alice in Wonderland (in Public Domain)

Trained to restrain
Our joys and triumphs
We share instead
Our sorrow and pain

Wings clipped, lights low
We diffuse our truth
To broadcast tales
Of worry and woe

Who created these social norms and mores we blithely follow?

The Mad Hatter?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  Our Deepest Fear

 

Redneck Lent April 5, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
47 comments

Wikipedia ~ Holy Orders (in Public Domain)

Every Friday night, Bubba fired up his grill and cooked a venison steak.

But, all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic.  And, since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.  The aroma from the grilled venison was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.  The Priest sprinkled holy water over Bubba, “You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.”

Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called.  He rushed over clutching a rosary, prepared to scold Bubba.  Instead, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat as he chanted:

“You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.”

Wikipedia ~ Catfish (in Public Domain)

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Bait For The Beast April 3, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Bulletin Board, Humor, Nature, People.
Tags: , , , ,
44 comments

Wikipedia ~ Trophy Wife (in Public Domain)

A few days ago, I saw a bizarre commercial for a dating service.

Which one, I couldn’t say.

The ad featured 10 “hopefuls,” all skewed in the same direction.

All women.

With long flowing tresses.

Long blond hair.

Long blond hair.

Long blond hair.

Long blond hair.

Long blond hair.

Long brunette hair.

Long brunette hair.

Long blond hair.

Long black hair.

 Long blond hair.

Wikipedia ~ Beauty and the Beast (in Public Domain)

None of them looked like they needed a dating service to help them troll for men.

Each had “Trophy Wife” stamped across her forehead.

I’m certain the site isn’t looking for dates for these prom queens . . .

No, I expect it’s looking for men “of a certain age” eager to hop aboard the dating express.

These beauties are bait for the beast.

Let’s hope the beast doesn’t have a heart attack while taking the bait out for a test drive.

Vroom . . . vroom . . .

Wikipedia ~ Beauty and the Beast (in Public Domain)

Perhaps, just to be on the safe side, the beast should start slow, by sitting down to a “getting to know you” dinner.

Whatever will they talk about?

Watching the ad made me wonder whether the marketing moguls are correct in their assumptions:

* Do 7 out of 10 beasts prefer blondes?

* Are beasts partial to long locks?

* Is Goldilocks more apt to get the gold?

* Is everyone in the target audience searching for Rapunzel?

Aah . . . that’s better!

An Irish Ghost Story April 1, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , , ,
33 comments

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road
hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him.  It stopped next to him.

Wikipedia ~ Hitchhiking (in Public Domain)

Desperate for shelter and without thinking, John got into the car and closed the door . . . only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t on.  The car started moving slowly.

John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching.  Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.  Just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window.

Wikipedia ~ Ghost (in Public Domain)

Paralyzed with terror, John watched as the hand turned the wheel.

When John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he wasn’t drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night.  Like John, they were also soaked and out of breath.

Seeing John at the bar, one said to the other, “Look Paddy, there’s that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.”

Happy April Fool’s Day!

E-mail from an unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Fly By Nighters March 31, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Blogs & Blogging, Humor, People.
Tags: , , ,
47 comments

Comment threads on the blogs I follow are informative, entertaining, silly, happy, funny, and thoughtful.

It’s great when a post sparks thought-provoking comments from diverse and varied visitors.  Comments that make me sit up and say WOW! often inspire me to head round and meet the blogger on their home turf.

That said, some “fly by nighters” need to brush up on comment etiquette:

* X scrolls through partial posts on his reader at lightning speed, pressing “LIKE” for each . . . without bothering to read them first.

* Y slows down long enough to leave comments in his wake, but most are banal . . . and often off putting.  Colonialist gave a terrific example once upon a time:

Post:  My whole family was wiped out today. I am distraught.

Comment:  LOL

* Z hasn’t been around for weeks.  She rushes in, out of breath from cruising around 47 other blogs during a 15-minute blog break, blitzes through 12 posts in 3 minutes, leaves cursory comments on each . . . AND expects us to believe she read each post.

Silly rabbits!

All of us have days when our comments don’t flow ~ sometimes it’s a slow go, other times a no go.  That’s to be expected.

But if we act like X Y or Z on a daily basis, perhaps we need to rethink our practices and priorities?  Are we following the blogs we follow because we enjoy reading them . . . or for some other ulterior motive?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts (on being “the perfect host”): The Perfect Host ~ Comment Moderation (WP Daily Post) * Commenting on Posts (Carol Balawyder)

* * *

Artwork available at Roderick MacIver Arts.  Rod conveys nature with brilliant brushstrokes.  The beauty of Rod’s watercolors lies in his ability NOT to control all aspects of the water ~ he allows it latitude to do its thing while he does his. The result speaks for itself.

“I’m Humbled” March 27, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Spirit & Ego.
Tags: , , ,
41 comments

Donald-DuckI confess to raising my eyebrows a bit when someone responds to a compliment by saying “I’m humbled.”

Doesn’t “being humbled” mean we’ve been knocked down a peg or two by losing a race, making a mistake, or being human?

How would receiving a compliment be humbling?

Wouldn’t a compliment tend to have the opposite effect on people who use an external reference point to gauge their progress in life?

In many instances, “I’m humbled,” translates loosely as, “I’m stoked! Thanks for noticing!”

Why not just say that?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Quote to ponder:  In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride.  For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.  ~ Benjamin Franklin

Related posts:  Fun with Words ~ Is Humility a Virtue? * You’re Full of Hubris

A Hottie . . . or a Nottie? March 25, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Fun & Games, Humor, People.
Tags: , , , ,
30 comments

Goofy-Riding-A-BikeOn the way to Bradenton’s Farmer’s Market last weekend, we saw a man riding a bike, wearing tight biker shorts but no top.

His shirtless state revealed a big belly bulge as his badge of honor.

“Look, BFF!  That guy is following his gut instincts!”

“That’s not a 6-pack . . . it’s a keg!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Häagen-Dazs & Pretzel: A Fairy Tale March 22, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
Tags: , , , ,
37 comments

Once upon a time, an extremely unattractive and petulant misanthrope grew tired of living in close proximity to a bunch of Nosy Parkers.

“Hell is other people,” Mizzie Borden muttered while stirring a cauldron of Cream of Newt Soup.  “Always butting in where they don’t belong.”

She decided to follow Thoreau’s footsteps into the woods.  She surfed MAXEDOUT.com and found a small cottage with a large oven and great curb appeal.  Real eye candy.

Mizzie purchased the cottage without requesting a home inspection.  An army of ants nibbling the gingerbread siding wasn’t the worst of it.

Walden Township raised property taxes, FEMA hiked flood insurance premiums, and subsidies under the Unaffordable Health Care Act never materialized.  

Desperate to make ends meet, Mizzie advertised on Angie’s List as an unlicensed child care provider (a/k/a “a babysitter”).  

The next day, a woodcutter left Häagen-Dazs and Pretzel in Mizzie’s care.

“I’m off to protest mountaintop removal by short-sighted privateers intent on raping the earth of its coal.  Soon, there won’t be any trees left for me to cut.  I’ll be back at 5.”

Häagen-Dazs and Pretzel proved  to be both crude and rude.

“Spoiled brats!”

Impatient for lunch, they pulled the gingerbread siding off her cottage and ate it.  Ants and all.

“Insubordinate beasts!”

When the woodcutter didn’t show on time, Mizzie shoved Häagen-Dazs and Pretzel into the oven for a “time out.”

Unbeknownst to Mizzie, the oven was blazing.

“Oh, well. I warned Häagen-Dazs not to play with matches.”

Following a half-hearted investigation plagued with bureaucratic foul ups, bribery, and corruption, the police dropped all charges.  Mizzie returned home and became a writer (the best occupation for misanthropes).  

Unable to find a publisher for her horror stories and fractured fairy tales, Mizzie self-published.  Fueled by her recent notoriety, Eat Mor’ Children  took off in a blaze of tweets.  

Paparazzi became a nuisance, sitting in trees with long lenses.

“Every blessing is cursed!”

Mizzie stormed the glade, “Get off, the lot of you!  Go shoot Cumberbatch’s bitches!”

When entreaties failed, Mizzie invited them for lunch.  As lunch.

If not for government-sanctioned invasions of privacy, Mizzie would have lived happily-ever-after.

“No one’s gonna miss a few pesky paparazzi.”

Except for other Nosy Parkers.

NSA (National Screening Agents) intercepted Mizzie’s e-mails, including her recipes for “Paparazzi Primavera” and “Children Cacciatore.”

“Hell is other people,” Mizzie muttered, when arrested.  ”Always poking about where they don’t belong.”

* * *

Join the fun ~> Susanna’s March Madness Writing Contest is Here!

Writing is a solitary occupation.  Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer.  He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking. ~ Lawrence Clark Powell

Related post:  A Fairy Tale Tribunal

Illustrations:  Wikipedia ~ Hansel & Gretel (in Public Domain)

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