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Angling for a Complement March 29, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Home & Garden, Word Play.
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13 comments

The last time we walked down Pine Avenue, I noticed Kermit fishing.

“Hey Kermit!  What cha doing?”

2014-03-01 16-22-25_0019

“Oh, hi there.  I’m angling for a complement.”

“A compliment?  What kind of compliment?”

2014-03-01 16-22-17_0018

“Not compliment.  Complement.  I’m hanging around, dangling this line, and angling for my soul mate . . .  the divine Miss Piggy.”

“What a compliment for Miss Piggy!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Häagen-Dazs & Pretzel: A Fairy Tale March 22, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
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37 comments

Once upon a time, an extremely unattractive and petulant misanthrope grew tired of living in close proximity to a bunch of Nosy Parkers.

“Hell is other people,” Mizzie Borden muttered while stirring a cauldron of Cream of Newt Soup.  “Always butting in where they don’t belong.”

She decided to follow Thoreau’s footsteps into the woods.  She surfed MAXEDOUT.com and found a small cottage with a large oven and great curb appeal.  Real eye candy.

Mizzie purchased the cottage without requesting a home inspection.  An army of ants nibbling the gingerbread siding wasn’t the worst of it.

Walden Township raised property taxes, FEMA hiked flood insurance premiums, and subsidies under the Unaffordable Health Care Act never materialized.  

Desperate to make ends meet, Mizzie advertised on Angie’s List as an unlicensed child care provider (a/k/a “a babysitter”).  

The next day, a woodcutter left Häagen-Dazs and Pretzel in Mizzie’s care.

“I’m off to protest mountaintop removal by short-sighted privateers intent on raping the earth of its coal.  Soon, there won’t be any trees left for me to cut.  I’ll be back at 5.”

Häagen-Dazs and Pretzel proved  to be both crude and rude.

“Spoiled brats!”

Impatient for lunch, they pulled the gingerbread siding off her cottage and ate it.  Ants and all.

“Insubordinate beasts!”

When the woodcutter didn’t show on time, Mizzie shoved Häagen-Dazs and Pretzel into the oven for a “time out.”

Unbeknownst to Mizzie, the oven was blazing.

“Oh, well. I warned Häagen-Dazs not to play with matches.”

Following a half-hearted investigation plagued with bureaucratic foul ups, bribery, and corruption, the police dropped all charges.  Mizzie returned home and became a writer (the best occupation for misanthropes).  

Unable to find a publisher for her horror stories and fractured fairy tales, Mizzie self-published.  Fueled by her recent notoriety, Eat Mor’ Children  took off in a blaze of tweets.  

Paparazzi became a nuisance, sitting in trees with long lenses.

“Every blessing is cursed!”

Mizzie stormed the glade, “Get off, the lot of you!  Go shoot Cumberbatch’s bitches!”

When entreaties failed, Mizzie invited them for lunch.  As lunch.

If not for government-sanctioned invasions of privacy, Mizzie would have lived happily-ever-after.

“No one’s gonna miss a few pesky paparazzi.”

Except for other Nosy Parkers.

NSA (National Screening Agents) intercepted Mizzie’s e-mails, including her recipes for “Paparazzi Primavera” and “Children Cacciatore.”

“Hell is other people,” Mizzie muttered, when arrested.  ”Always poking about where they don’t belong.”

* * *

Join the fun ~> Susanna’s March Madness Writing Contest is Here!

Writing is a solitary occupation.  Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer.  He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking. ~ Lawrence Clark Powell

Related post:  A Fairy Tale Tribunal

Illustrations:  Wikipedia ~ Hansel & Gretel (in Public Domain)

A Quest to Knowingness March 6, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Mindfulness, Poetry, Word Play.
Tags: , , , , ,
32 comments

Less is more . . . especially when it comes to winter’s wicked weather.  In 2009, we headed south in search of spring.

IMGP1218Aimless snowflakes drift
Spinning through frigid night air
Winter longs for spring

Yoko and Ono
pirouette beneath the palms
of Jungle Gardens

We wonder as we
wander ~ “Is this what we want?”
Life’s trade-offs abound

This villa! This view!
With that, our quest coalesced
into knowingness

Palm trees and capris
A sunny, warm winter breeze
Parkas packed away

Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you need a home base? What makes a place “home” to you?  Does living a nomadic life, traveling from place to place, hold any appeal?

Do you recall your last house hunt?  Did intuition play a part?

The first time I experienced intuitive knowingness, it whispered, “This is YOUR house.”  I glanced up from the book in my lap and KNEW.

I KNEW that it KNEW what it was talking about; I KNEW that the house with the “For Sale” sign was MY house; and I KNEW that that intuitive knowingness welled up from a source inside me that was far beyond the limits of my mind.

Related posts:  Winks, Whispers, and NudgesGreat Thoughts (Candid Impressions)

Breathing Life Into Characters February 26, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
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22 comments

Tim Dorsey knows how to breathe life into his characters.

In a single paragraph, he describes 7 characters using brief sketches, allowing readers to flesh in the rest:

* Major Fletcher ~ steady leader with blond hair, a close shave, and a square dependable jaw

* Lee Barnes ~ a crusty and foul-mouthed veteran with hangover stubble and a footlocker of vintage Playboys

* Milton “Bananas” Foster ~ a highly excitable yet gifted mechanical wizard

* Marilyn Sebastian ~ a plucky aerial reconnaissance officer, as tough as any man, but every bit a woman

* Pepe Miguelito ~ a forlorn youth with pencil mustaches and unending girl troubles

* “Tiny” Baxter ~ a massive country boy from Oklahoma with simple but strong values

* William Honeycutt ~ a former bantamweight champion

Dorsey provides enough detail to bring his characters to life . . . without beating them to death.

Sometimes a skeletal outline or quick sketch connects us to a character faster than too many extraneous details.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  Explanations (Candid Impressions) * Two Writers Debate: Pantsing vs. Plotting (Eric John Baker) * The End is Never the End (Grannymar)

Anything We Want February 25, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Poetry, Word Play.
Tags: , ,
24 comments

FlyWe can be anything we want
Anything at all

We can tower over the trees
Or play it small

We don’t need a degree
To be an astronaut
And fly to the moon

Imagineer wanted . . . no experience necessary

Huey,-Dewey-And-LouieA quest!
A quest!

Climb aboard that mighty steed
What experience do we need
To soar in the clouds

Lifted by our inner composer
Fed by our inner artist

Unfettered by Ego, we have no anchor in the past

Mickey-OKWith no masks to block our view
We are as we are

Free to be
Anything we want

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Few Good Quotes February 24, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
Tags: , ,
40 comments

Donald-Duck-Diving Do It!  Let’s Get Off Our Buts by Peter McWilliams  contains a plethora of fantastic quotes.

Here are a few favorites:

1.  Do or do not.  There is no try. ~ Yoda

2.  It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. ~ Sally Kempton

3.  Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. ~ Michael Pritchard

4.  Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. ~ Garrison Keillor

5.  Only two things are infinite ~ the universe and human stupidity.  And I’m not sure about the former. ~ Albert Einstein

Donald-Duck-Baseball6.  The ancestor of every action is a thought. ~ Emerson

7.  Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. ~ Kin Hubbard

8.  Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another. ~ Madonna

9.  The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. ~ Jules Renard

10.  Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Their tastes may not be the same.  ~ George Bernard Shaw

11.  Never keep up with the Joneses.  Drag them down to your level.  It’s cheaper. ~ Quentin Crisp

12.  I always wanted to be somebody.  I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin

Donald-Director13.  How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward. ~ Spanish Proverb

14.  Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. ~ Jules Renard

15.  The sun will set without thy assistance. ~ The Talmud

16.  A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to leave alone. ~ Thoreau

17.  There is only one success ~ to be able to spend your life in your own way. ~ Christopher Morley

18.  What is money?  A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. ~ Bob Dylan

19.  There is more to life than increasing its speed. ~ Gandhi

Donald-Duck-Painting20.  A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. ~ Abraham Maslow

21.  When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

22.  He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh. ~ The Koran

Aah . . . that’s better!

Palm Fronds to Baskets February 4, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Poetry, Word Play.
Tags: , , ,
12 comments

IMGP3865We watched thick nimble fingers weave
palm fronds to baskets

Transformation
Change

Drunk on the notion of island living
picking up stakes
to stay, play, and sway
down under

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  Cyber Hermit * A Defining Moment * Circle of Friends * My Batch Wattery

Again January 19, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Poetry, Word Play.
Tags: , , ,
34 comments

IMGP1696aLife is so negative
That I cannot be positive

About anything at all

Why are we born?
To feel sad and forlorn?

It all makes me feel small

Why can’t life
Be more like love’s free fall?

Then, I could smile
Again

The harder we fall
The higher we fly

Oh, wait, I’ve got that backwards
Again

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

Eeyore-SittingPoetry Prompt:  Write an angst-ridden poem, riddled with hopelessness.   Bonus points for making us laugh out loud.

You have captured the angst
That swirls round their ranks
Their words are absurd
But they want to be heard
And that’s why their poetry tanks!

* * * * *

How do you respond to angst-riddled poetry?

Do hopeless poems pull you down the mole hole, blocking out the sun?  Or are you inclined to think of examples to counter the expressed despair?

Do you “buy in” or “opt out”?

Related posts:  Love Is Off Limits * Laughter: The Antidote to Insanity

Now That’s Punny! January 18, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Word Play.
Tags: , , , ,
42 comments

Pluto-Happy1.  Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.

2.  Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

3.  A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

4.  Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

5.  Practice safe eating – always use condiments.  You may notice a vague feeling of dijon vu from using the same mustard as before.

6.  Does the name PavLov ring a bell?

7.  Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

8.  A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

9.  When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

10.  She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but he broke it off.

11.  With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

12.  A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

13.  A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947).

Related puns:  All In A Day’s Work * No Pun In Ten Did *  Live Laugh and Learn * Virtual Reality * (Duck) Soup to Nuts * Crime Doesn’t Pay (Much) * That’s Gonna Leave A Mark * Very Punny

Wading Through Sot-Weeds January 8, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
Tags: , , , , ,
32 comments

My favorite thing about writing is its complete and utter autonomy:

* My book.
* My rules.
* My choice of characters.

Anyone who writes a book, play, or screenplay gets to choose the world, the setting, the time period, and the people populating center stage.

That said, readers do have a voice.

When following the threads of a story, I enjoy a sense of continuity.  Imagery and poetry in perpetuity are not enough for me.  I need something to hang my hat on or my attention wanes.

“Sot-Weed Factor” fan
proclaims it ~ “the best English
written novel yet”

Hopes high, I dove deep
where obscure digressions and
parodies parade

Wading through Sot-Weeds
grew cruelly tiresome, I
turned to other worlds

Reading a voluminous tome or treatise filled with esoteric references holds little appeal . . . when the whole forest is out there waiting to be explored.

That’s my favorite thing about reading ~ the complete and utter autonomy to choose whether to remain in an author’s audience or turn to other words and other worlds.

Aah . . . that’s better!

While writing this post, I learned I’m not alone in my unwillingness to wade through Barth’s laborious labors:

“John Barth’s “The Sot-Weed Factor” is a brilliantly specialized performance, so monstrously long that reading it seemed nearly as laborious as writing it. Obviously Barth (author previous of “The End of the Road” and “The Floating Opera”) believed he needed these approximately 500,000 words to achieve his effects. Few will agree with him, for though he abounds in excellent satirical devices he is addicted to repeating them.”

* * *

“Though it is not for all palates, it is possible that Barth’s book may be cherished by its true audience for some time to come.”

Fuller, Edmond, “The Joke is on Mankind,” NY Times, August 21, 1960.

Have you read The Sot-Weed Factor?  

Did you consume its 500,000 words in one gulp or spit it out before digesting its divergent digressions?

Related posts:  The Clean (Book)Plate Club *  Andrew Zimmern’s Picks Don’t Appeal

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