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The New Alphabet November 22, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , , ,
4 comments

Donald-DuckaA is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won’t float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

The New Alphabet

A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back, C’s the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line! F is for farting and fluid retention, G is for gut droop, which I’d rather not mention.

grumpy_thinkingH is high blood pressure – I’d rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L ‘s for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!

Grumpy gusP for prescriptions, I have quite a few. Just give me a pill, I’ll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S: sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know..

W for worry, now what’s going ’round? X is for X-ray, and what might be found.

Y’s for another year I’ve left behind, Z is for zest I still have . . . in my mind!

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed. And I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

Description:                                                                                                                              cid:0FF6BEFC15084570A665AF0E398C8C86@bjwardPC

 Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

A Taste Of Mixon November 21, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Humor, Nature.
Tags: , , , , ,
20 comments

A few days ago, we went to Mixon Fruit Farms and Groveside Market for “A Taste of Mixon.”  Guests traveled from station to station sampling Pizza, Fudge, Honey, Oranges, Orange Juice, Cheese, Key Lime Pie, Coconut Cream Pie, Peach Chardonnay (and other wine varietals).

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After eating our fill, and turning in our passports, we went outside for a wander through the Citrus Groves.

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The lush landscaping looked great under blue blue skies.

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Benches invited wanderers to meander awhile.

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But the fish whispered . . . “Feed Me!”

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We complied.

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A mural (commissioned by koi) encourages visitors to feed the fish.

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How could anyone resist those friendly fins?

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Back on track, we continued our trek.

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And stumbled across a turquoise maze.

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Which invited us in.

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And in and in and in . . . the way mazes do.

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We got out.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

A Symphony On The Sand November 20, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Food & Drink, Humor, Music & Dance.
Tags: , , , ,
31 comments

Last weekend, we went down to Coquina Beach for Symphony on the Sand.

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Despite gray overcast skies and steady drizzle, the audience enjoyed the show.

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Those who had ordered the $100 a plate dinner had to eat it with one hand while holding an umbrella over their head with the other.

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Since we hadn’t ordered dinner, we didn’t feel too crabby about the weather’s lack of cooperation.

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Especially since sunny skies tend to be rather prevalent here.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Fun Pub Signs November 19, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
38 comments

IMGP1105bKathy sent me some FUN Pub Signs.  My favorites:

* Today’s Special:  Buy 1 Pint for the price of 2 and get your 2nd Pint FREE.

* FREE Beer.  Topless Bartenders.  False Advertising.

* Alcohol and Calculus don’t mix.  Don’t drink and derive.

* Jokes about German Sausage are the Wurst.

* FREE Air Guitar with every Pint!

* The Perfect Martini:  Pour Gin, Vermouth, and Olives into the Trash where they belong.  Drink Whisky!

* Helping UGLY people have sex since 1864.

* Come in and meet your future Ex-Wife.

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* I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

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* Alcohol!  Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

 

Lizard Mania November 18, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Home & Garden, Humor, Nature.
Tags: , , , , ,
45 comments

IMGP3570A few nights ago, we spent 20 minutes catching a lizard in the lanai.

BFF reached up to the ceiling and “almost” got it in the bucket first try.

It escaped, raced around the room, and hid under the corner bookcase.

We had to take everything off the shelves, lay the bookcase down on its side, and . . .

“Got it!”

Almost.

We chased it around the room a few more times.  At last, BFF caught the lizard for real, took it outside and released it.

Yay!

During Lizard Mania, Tigger sat on the other side of the sliding glass doors flicking his tail and yowling to be allowed to join the hunt.

Tigger is better at catching lizards than we are, but they aren’t good for him. So we muddle along the best we can so he doesn’t have to do the dirty work.

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We’re not convinced that he appreciates our consideration.

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Royal Flush November 17, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
Tags: , , ,
33 comments

zen stonesWhen people blithely say, “Everything happens for a reason,” I don’t necessarily agree.

That said, more often than not, when I look back at “negative” events, I see that some good comes out of almost everything. That makes it easier to deal with the next curve ball or senseless happening.

Hand-rolling-diceOther times, I just shrug my shoulders when asked, “What’s the point?”

Because maybe there is No Point.  Maybe it’s just a crap shoot and it’s up to us to make the most of the cards we’ve been dealt or the next roll of the dice.

Yup, maybe it’s all a crap shoot, and some just get The Royal Flush.

Aah . . . that’s better!

“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” ~ Forest Gump

Related posts:  When Life Goes Awry

Until The Worm Turns November 16, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance, Nature.
Tags: , , , , ,
25 comments

Weather and its aberrations, permutations, and precipitations formed part and parcel of many of my grandfather’s missives:

Mickey-Lounging

* 12/29/57 ~  “There is still a world without snow up here.  So mild it almost spoils going to Florida.”

* 7/20/58 ~ “We expect Frank and Margaret to come today and Webb and Pete. It was to be a picnic at Summers Falls but it is so cool I wonder if we may not eat here at the house. It is cold much of the time. We almost needed a fire today.”

* 1/16/59 ~ “It is icy today on the roads.  The cream truck rolled over on Clifford Best’s hill.  School did not keep because of the roads.”

* 2/19/59 ~  “This is our coldest morning.  It was 60 degrees in our rooms this morning and the windows are well frosted.  It must be 30 below.  I’d rather be in Florida.”

* 12/29/63 ~ “It is cold tonight.  Down to ZERO at 4:30 P.M. by the new thermometer.  I was out just now and decided it wasn’t lying.

* 5/7/67 ~ “It was 29 degrees this morning with a white frost showing when we got up.  I find time to run up to Hanover to see how stocks are doing. The blue chips are doing better, so, so am I.  I mowed the front part of the lawn just now.  It is cold though and I needed mittens. Some lawn weather!

Goofy-Under-An-Umbrella* 5/26/67 ~ “I still have some gardening to do here and at Rae’s.  It is a very late Spring.  It is a gloomy day today with rain.  Yesterday there was 5 inches of snow in Montpelier ~ none in Hartland.  Just rain and cold rain.

It should warm up sometime.

And it did . . . 3 weeks later:

Mickey-In-Hammock* 6/17/67 ~ “We are in the midst of a hot spell, 85 and 90, on the outside in the shade.  We almost went to the Cape this weekend but Margaret thought it was too hot to go so here we are.

We have talked some of a trip to the Expo 67 but that is still on ice.  I have picked 1 berry.  They are very late.”

* 4/18/73 ~ “We have been having bare ground for some time but today the worm turned. It gave us a snow and blow. Only 5 inches but a nasty day.”

* 1/19/75 ~ “There was a foot of snow in the drive. It was heavy and took about an hour to clear. It is all done and I am resting while the coal makes dust and the wood snaps in the kitchen stove.

Mickey-Surfer* 4/1/76 ~ “The brook!  It is 50 ft. wide under the kitchen window and probably 3 feet deep.  Quite a river.  The cat is well!  He chases wind blown leaves and is real frisky.  Rae is 93, April 26.  We got up at 6 o’clock yesterday and today.  No time to waste.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

 

One Last Mad Dance November 15, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Nature, Poetry.
Tags: , , , ,
28 comments

Sad-TigerBoisterous raindrops
Swallow the crisp autumn air
And morph into flakes

Leaves leave the bare trees
One last mad dance in the breeze
before winter’s freeze

Aimless snowflakes drift
Spinning through frigid night air
Winter longs for spring

santa

Palm trees and capris
A sunny, warm winter breeze
Parkas packed away

Aah . . . that’s better!

I Have More Friends Than You Think! November 14, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , , ,
64 comments

For the past week or so, Facebook has bombarded me with the same message:

You have more friends on Facebook than you think

The fastest way to find all of your friends on Facebook is importing your email contacts. Once you’ve imported your contacts you can view, manage or delete them at any time.

 Paper-clips

Facebook shoots the message out 3x in an hour, then 3x more every hour on the hour, then 3x more in the following days.

After a cease fire, the shelling begins again.

Infinity

The message has been dropped into the e-trenches 13+ times.  I don’t have an exact count because I shoot them out of the cyber sky as soon as they appear on the horizon.

If I had a pink flamingo for each, my cyber lawn would look littered.

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Facebook’s unrelenting relentlessness and persistent persistence is reason enough for me to refuse to cave to the demand.

Damn the torpedoes!  FB shall NOT capture my cyber contacts.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

An Unlimited Limerick November 12, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Poetry, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
Tags: , , , ,
36 comments

Something about the cadence and rhyme of limericks always teases a smile out of me.

I don’t mind a few made up words that stretch language to its limits.

There’s something fun about limericks
Especially those that boast gimmericks
They make us smile
And ponder awhile
On the sleight of tongue trickericks

Here’s to the liberal literary license of limericks!

After all, where would Dr. Seuss be
If he had limited his vocabulary
To words already written
Would we be as smitten
If it hadn’t called it a Truffula tree?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you enjoy limericks?  With sleight of tongue trickericks?  Are you a fan of the bawdier the better rhymes . . . featuring folks from Nantucket?

 

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