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Out Of This World October 1, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
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30 comments

We took a star-studded tour of the known Universe at the Planetarium on Saturday morning.

With Tom Hanks narrating, we flew out past the edges of the Milky Way via Passport to the Universe.

We saw stars!  Billions and billions of stars.  And Earth from a decidedly different perspective.

Imagine everyone you’ve ever known on that pale blue dot . . .

At the far reaches of outer space, we found a Black Hole and used it as a short cut to shoot back across the Universe, saving us millions of light years.

Back on Earth, we bumped into H.G. Wells and his Time Machine.

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It’s quite a brilliant mode of transport, allowing passengers to travel through time and space without undergoing groping and probing at TSA checkpoints.

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Just punch in the coordinates and GO!

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But it was time for lunch . . . so we’ll save that adventure for another day.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Love What You’ve Done With The Place September 26, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Bulletin Board, Fun & Games, Home & Garden, Humor.
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27 comments

BFF is painting, which means that we are stepping over and around drop cloths and displaced possessions.

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Tigger doesn’t like it.  Not one little bit.  He is overflowing with reproachful glances (a/k/a “giving us the stink eye”).

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From his perspective, it’s unneeded disruption of a carefully honed routine.

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That’s too bad.

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We didn’t give him a vote.

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Even after he tried to stuff the Ballot Box.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Page Turner ~ A Mystery Thriller Contest September 25, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
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33 comments

Stephen King, who winters in Sarasota, agreed to speak in Manatee County on January 29, 2015, at a fundraiser for the Manatee Country Library System.

As one might expect, sponsorship tickets for the event zoomed out the door.

All but one.

The Library Foundation holds a ticket for the lucky winner of Page Turner ~ A Mystery Thriller Writing Contest.  Entrants are not restricted by age, but must possess a valid Manatee County Public Library card that is in good standing.

Since I do . . . I tossed my 250 words into the pool.

* * *

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Violet’s threat hung in the air.  She pointed a gun at me, placing more pressure on the trigger than I deemed prudent.

I scanned Hal’s living room, noting the crimson stain pooling around Hal’s body.  Violet meant business.  Some other scandal hound would get the scoop on Hal’s death, and mine, unless I helped her.

I gave Violet center stage.  Like a true diva, she dove in.

“Hal called this morning. He said he had some dirt on me and invited me over. When I arrived, he suggested we discuss the situation over a glass of wine . . . in the Jacuzzi. I refused. He got ugly. When I started to leave, he called you. After hanging up, he said, Sugar, when Ketchem publishes the photos I dug up on you, your career will be on permanent standstill. I knew I had no choice.”

Violet paused.  I glanced at Hal.

Seeing the trajectory of my eyes, she gasped.  “No! No! I know what you’re thinking, Sammy. I didn’t KILL him. I agreed to meet him in the Jacuzzi and went to get a towel. I heard a gunshot, raced back here, and found him like, like . . . that. I heard a noise behind me, grabbed the gun, and turned around. There was no one there. I panicked and started tearing the place apart to find the photos. Before I found them, I heard the doorbell and you walked in.”

I exhaled.

If Violet didn’t kill Hal, she didn’t need to kill me.

Aah . . . that’s better!

General tickets will go on sale Nov. 1 and can be purchased later this year through the Manatee Performing Arts Center box office and the Manatee Library Foundation website.

 

Festivals of India September 9, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Music & Dance.
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39 comments

On Saturday, we enjoyed Indian Dancing, Music, Costumes and Food in air-conditioned comfort at India Fest 2014.

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The theme of the festival focused on eight major festivals in India:

Uttarayan ~ kite flying and rooftop picnics to celebrate winter’s end
Baisakhi ~ celebrated in different ways by Sikhs, Hindus, and Buddhists
Pongal ~ celebrants greet milk boiling over with shouts of “Pongalo Pongal”
Holi ~ marking the first full moon in Spring with clouds of colored powder
Ganesh Chaturthi ~ celebrating the birth day of Lord Ganesha
Onam ~ festival of rain, flowers, and rice harvest
Navratri ~ celebrated over nine nights around harvest time in October
Diwali ~ festival of lights illuminating the country with brilliance

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After a brief history of each festival, lithe and limber dancers in elaborate and elegant costumes performed traditional dances to traditional music.

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Each dance ended amid appreciative applause.

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After the dancing and music, all performers returned to the stage for the singing of India’s national anthem.

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A bejeweled Lord Ganesh watched over the festival.

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POLICE watched over Lord Ganesh and his jewels.

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After the music and dancing, attendees wandered the food stalls and the bazaar, stopping to gape at colorful plumage.

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We  sampled Spring Rolls, Samosas, and Bhel Puri (a favorite street food in Mumbai featuring puffed rice, peanuts, tomatoes, tamarind sauce, potatoes, mint, cilantro chutney, onions, cumin, chili powder, lemon juice, chaat masala, sel, papdis, etc.).

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Before leaving we stopped for a photo op with that gorgeous peacock we spied earlier ~> his plumage matched my skirt!

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Aah . . . that’s better!

You Don’t Know Jack Schitt August 28, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Word Play.
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27 comments

220px-Arthur-Pyle_The_Enchanter_MerlinAs a follow-up to yesterday’s post . . .

Most of us are at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Now, you can set them straight:

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.

The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.  She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

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Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and later married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.  The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.  He returned from his travels with an Italian bride, Pisa Schitt, and three children: Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Holie Schitt, the most devout of the six Schitts, entered the priesthood.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

This Geneology Record prepared by:  Crock O. Schitt

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: e-mail from an unknown author.

An Exception To Every Rule August 26, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Word Play.
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35 comments

Nothing ventured, nothing gained . . . but look before you leap.

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The early bird gets the worm . . . but the early worm gets eaten.

Poisoned Apple

Good things come to those who wait . . . but he who hesitates is lost.

Donald-Ducka

Slow and steady wins the race . . . but good guys finish last.

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Ignorance is bliss . . . but know thy enemies.

Broccoli-Mocking-Stewie

A rolling stone gathers no moss . . . but haste makes waste.

Pluto-RollerskatingHonesty is the best policy . . . but if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Hobbes

Absence makes the heart grow fonder . . . but out of sight, out of mind.

Snoopy

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush . . . but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Chicken-Little-Poster

Birds of a feather flock together . . . but opposites attract.

Tiggers-R-Us

Aah . . . that’s better!

Can you think of other perplexing anomalies to the proverbs we parrot?

Picking A Prickly Pineapple August 25, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Home & Garden, Humor.
Tags: , , , , ,
51 comments

In May, we noticed a pineapple growing in our courtyard:

By mid-July, it had quite a regal crown:

And then it stopped growing and started ripening.  So I picked it:

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To give you a bit of perspective, here’s my best Carmen Miranda imitation:

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Growing pineapples is NOT a get-rich-quick scheme!

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Scottish Love Story August 23, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, People.
Tags: , , , ,
26 comments

220px-The_Love_of_Zero,_35mm_film_Robert_Florey1928A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently.

Then the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin… perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, leaned over, and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo aboot time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, leaned over, and cuddled him for a few seconds.

228px-Eugene_de_Blaas_A_Pensive_MomentThe two turned again to the loch.

After a while, she whispered, “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young man glanced down with a furled brow, “Well, noo, my thoughts are a wee bit more serious.”

“Really?” said the lass in a whisper.

“Aye,” said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Reaching out, he turned her face to his and said, “Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first two pennies?”

Och . . . that’s a wee bit better!

Source: e-mail from an unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

The Hospital Bill August 16, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
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23 comments

170px-Italienischer_Maler_des_17._Jahrhunderts_001A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerks called an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms.

Seeing he was awake, she asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

Groggy, he replied, “I don’t know.”

“Do you have health insurance?”

“No.  No health insurance.”

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“Do you have money in the bank?”

“No.  No money in the bank.”

“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”

“I have a spinster sister.  She’s a nun.”

At this, the nun became agitated.

With practiced authority, she announced, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”

The patient nodded, “Great!  Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

Celebrating Time’s Passage August 11, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Happiness, Humor, Special Events.
Tags: , , , ,
40 comments

220px-Congrats_bqtRecently, Rainee did a post about Aging ~ The Age Old Questions ~ seeking ideas for how to celebrate an upcoming milestone.

I reflected that age is “just a number that helps us place memories on a timeline from Birth to Death.”

In my younger years, moving along that timeline seemed a matter of greater import than it does these days.  Back then, I celebrated not just my birthday, but my entire birth month!

This year, we planned a low key celebration ~ Happy Hour at the Chart House one day, pizza from Oma’s the next.

Maybe for my 60th, I’ll plan something a bit more spectacular.  More noteworthy.

Like jumping out of a plane.  Or wrestling an alligator.

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Snake charming is out of the question.

Aah . . . that’s better!

What’s your favorite way to celebrate time’s passage?

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