Why “O” Rather Than A, E, I, or U? May 20, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Humor, Word Play.
Tags: Cheerios, Cheetos, Doritos, Food, Fritos, Humor, Word Play
What is it about “O” that has allowed it to corner the market as the preferred ending vowel sound for food?
Why are we all urged to “give those O’s a go”? What does “O” have that A, E, I, and U are lacking?
Oh, sure, Italy got “I” in on the action:
We got your Ziti right here! And your Rigatoni, Spumoni, Macaroni, Cannoli, and Spaghetti.
But those “I’s” all sound like “E’s.”
Rigaton~E, Spumon~E, Ast~E Spumont~E.
So they don’t count.
Italy also got “A” some action with Pizza and Lasagna. But those “A’s” sound half-hearted. Pizz~UH, Lasag~nyUH. They don’t sound like “A” at all. Imagine if The Fonz had walked around saying “Uh!” instead of “Eh!” . . . Ferget About It!
And what about “E”? Rather a silent sort. Like nice white rice, “E” barely makes its presence known. Not like “O” which demands to be heard no matter how you pronounce it . . . Potato, Potahto, Tomato, Tomahto.
So what is it about “O”?
Why Gelato, not Gelata, Gelati, or Gelatu?
Is it O’s shape . . . a huge gaping hungry open mouth shouting for MORE?
MORE! MORE! MORE!
Perhaps “O” implicitly gives snackers permission to abandon the mantra “less is more” (at least until “the remains of the bag” contain only crumbs too small for a mouse).
Does O’s uncanny resemblance to donuts, pies, cakes, and cookies cause marketeers (and Mouseketeers) to march to the beat of O’s round sound?
But it’s not just in the food arena where “O” makes its presence known.
Oh, no. ”O” has a book named after it ~ The Story of O.
Ignoring A, E, I, and U (each waiting in the wings, ready to step into a Starring Role), Oprah went to court to fight for the right to use “O,” winning her trademark dispute in an epic Goliath vs. David battle.
Can any other vowel make these kind of claims?
Although, to be fair, “I” has quite a following among narcissists ~ the “I, Me, Mine” crowd.
But even narcissists abandon “I” and cry out to “O” during impassioned moments . . . O! O! O!
So, what is it about “O”?
I don’t know.
Maybe it just has a nice “ring” to it.
What say U?
Oh . . . that’s better!
Believe It Or Not! May 18, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Fun & Games, Synchronicity & Mystery.
Tags: Books, Fun & Games, Ripley, Ripley's Believe It or Not!, Robert Ripley
I grew up reading books by Ripley, filled with unbelievable oddities and amazing facts, but seldom paused to consider the man behind the cartoons.
A Curious Man: The Strange & Brilliant Life of Robert “Believe It or Not!” Ripley, by Neal Thompson, reveals this real life Wizard of Odd.
“The life story of Robert ‘Believe It or Not!’ Ripley is as intriguing as the many oddities in which he delighted.”
~ Entertainment Weekly
“An engaging, fast-moving biography… makes the case that Ripley was among the first media celebrities, and that his affection for the grotesque and the extreme shaped American pop culture.”
~ Columbus Dispatch
“Ripley’s amazing American life itself plays out like an impossible fairy tale.”
~ Kirkus Reviews
“A Curious Man is the marvelously compelling biography of Robert “Believe It or Not” Ripley, the enigmatic cartoonist turned globetrotting millionaire who won international fame by celebrating the world’s strangest oddities, and whose outrageous showmanship taught us to believe in the unbelievable.”
Ripley’s efforts to counter claims that he was “stretching the truth” resulted in the fascinating and fun array of artifacts displayed in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Museums around the globe.
Once could say that Ripley’s curated collections are the fantastic and amusing consequence of calling a man a liar . . .
“I venture to say that I have been called a liar more often than anybody in the world. Ordinarily, when one is called a liar, one feels hurt. But it is different with me. I do not mind it a bit. When I am called a liar by a reader of my cartoons, I feel flattered. That short and ugly word is like music to my ears. I am complimented because it means to me that my cartoon contained some strange fact that was unbelievable ~ and therefore most interesting, and that the reader did not know the truth when he saw it.” ~ Robert Ripley
Did you read any of Ripley’s books of wonders, miracles, freaks, monstrosities, and almost-impossibilities?
Did you Believe it or Not! ?
Aah . . . that’s better!
3 Dudes Walk Into A Bar May 13, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Word Play.
Tags: Bartender, Bet, Food & Drink, Humor, Joke, WP Prompt
Two of them grab a table while the third weaves over to the bar to order a round of drinks.
Bartender shakes his head, “Can’t serve ya. Yer already drunk.”
“Sez who?! I’m nots drunk and I can prove it.”
“Set up a bottle at the far end of the bar. I’ll pee into it without mishing a drop. If I win the bet, you give us a round of drinks on the house.”
“Fair enough. But, if you lose, you owe me $100.”
Wager accepted, the drunk took aim and fired.
As expected, he missed his mark by meters while the bartender laughed at having won the bet.
Unperturbed, the drunk zipped up, gave the bartender $100, then crossed the room to his waiting companions.
“Pay up, fellas! You each owe me $200! I told ya I could pee all over the bar while the bartender stood by and laughed.”
Aah . . . that’s better!
NASA’s “Out Of This World” Poetry Contest May 3, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Bulletin Board, Fun & Games, Humor, Poetry, Word Play.
Tags: Contest, DVD, Earth, Haiku, Humor, Mars, MAVEN, NASA, Poetry
Milka (Perfecting Motherhood) shared a link to an “Out of this World” poetry contest with me yesterday:
This stellar contest is open to everyone on Planet Earth. All submitted haiku must be in English, with three lines following the 5-7-5 syllable format.
An example from newscast anchor Dave Mattingly:
Mars, you planet red
No life, just craters and ice
Dark, dark, dark, dark, goose
He’s got my vote!
Three winning poets will be invited to send their haiku into outer space with NASA in November.
Everyone who enters will have their name included on the DVD.
The submission deadline is July 1. Starting July 15, the public will vote to select three winning poems to travel on the spacecraft’s DVD. Winners will be announced Aug. 8.
The poems will be accompanied on the MAVEN by student artwork, selected by popular vote in a separate contest.
What a great way to rocket to stardom, to launch your poetry career, to take your writing to the next level, and to boldly go where no haiku has gone before!
I can see your resume now . . . “partnered with NASA on the MAVEN mission.”
Illustrations: Wikipedia ~ MARS
Aah . . . that’s better!
Disorder in the Court April 15, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: Autopsy, Court, Death, Humor, Joke, Judge, Law, Lawyer
And who am I to argue with the internet?
Dressed for Success
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
You Have The Right to Reproduce . . . but Should You?
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: And how long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
‘Til Death Us Do Part . . .
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
We hold these truths to be self-evident . . .
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Wait. What?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh . . . he’s 20.
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh . . .
Objection, Your Honor! I need a new attorney!
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
Aah . . . that’s better!
What’s your favorite?
I’m partial to #7 and #14 . . . but #11 ranks right up there.
If you enjoyed these verbatim exchanges, check out: Disorder in the Court ~ Fractured Moments in Courtroom History * Disorderly Conduct ~ Excerpts from Actual Cases * Disorder in the Court * Guilty by Reason of Stupidity
Apologies to Mother Goose April 14, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Humor, Poetry.
Tags: Magic Mushrooms, Mother Goose, Pumpkins, WordPress, Zen
Tired of pumpkin consumption, and running out of wives to fill the wells of all those empty shells, Peter longed for a substance with substance.
Something with less residue than an autumnal gourd.
When he found it . . . WOW!
Peter, Peter, Mushroom Eater
Wrote a poem with perfect meter
He put it on a WordPress site
And was Fresh Pressed that very night
What a trip!
Peter was flying high.
Not content to be a “one hit wonder,” Peter continued experimenting.
Then our “funny fungus” feeder
Wrote a poem that went still deeper
It blew our minds time and again
With wisdom from the depths of Zen
Mother Goose approved.
Dr. Seuss refrained from comment.
Aah . . . that’s better!
Extra! Extra! Read All About It! April 12, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Blogs & Blogging, Fun & Games, Humor.
Tags: Humor, James IV of Scotland, Photography, Weekend Theme
“Hey, McGee. Did you hear? That Elusive Photograph has been found.”
“Fantastic! Where’d they find it?”
“In an old cave near the 14th Fairway of some golf course in Surrey.”
“Yup. Next to some old bones that may or may not have belonged to King James IV of Scotland.”
“What on Earth was it doing there?”
“Don’t know. Article doesn’t say.”
“Must have been feeling rather reclusive to hang out in a cave with a bunch of five hundred year old bones.”
“Good point. Caves are great for the elusive, the reclusive, and the exclusive.”
“Does The Times include a copy of the shot?”
“Yes, it’s rather somber.”
“Wow. That’s dark.”
“If you ask me, it belongs on the 14th green.”
“Agreed . . . it’s far too sobering for the 19th hole.”
Aah . . . that’s better!
Joy To The World . . . The Easter Frog April 1, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Music & Dance.
Tags: April Fool, April Fools Day, Easter Bunny, Holidays, Joy to the World
I realize I disappointed a few readers by not having the Easter Bunny make a cameo appearance in A Peculiar Party Under The Palms in yesterday’s post.
To make it up to you, here’s the Easter Frog . . . hopping down the Bunny Trail with a basket of Easter Eggs.
A Peculiar Party Under The Palms has reached Part Eleven (a/k/a The End).
Thanks to all of you who followed Freddie, Teddy, and Betty’s Froggy Tale down the Foggy Trail.
Aah . . . that’s better!
A Peculiar Party Under The Palms March 22, 2013Posted by nrhatch in Fiction, Fun & Games, Travel & Leisure, Word Play.
Tags: Cocktail party, Fiction, Food & Drink, Leisure, Naples, Party
An old friend invited me down to Naples for a Garden Party at his estate. I accepted, of course.
When I arrived, the place seemed deserted. Overgrown. Neglected. Untidy.
I called out and heard my words echo around the fountain, bouncing off the stones before sinking.
A few minutes later, my friend appeared in the garden, dapper and distinguished as ever.
But he seemed distracted.
Ill at ease.
A bit green about the gills.
After greeting me with his customary cold-blooded warmth, and inquiring after my journey, Freddie called for Teddy, the Butler.
Aah . . . good old Teddy.
I’ve known Teddy forever and wondered, given the odd appearance of the garden and Freddie’s apparent distress, whether he had been let go.
There he was, looking much the same as usual.
Oddly enough, he offered me a drink from an empty tray.
I accepted, not wanting to appear rude.
“Thank you, Teddy. It’s . . . um, refreshing. And quite light.”
“Hoppy to hear that.”
While sipping my non-existent beverage, I scanned the garden for Freddie’s wife.
Betty was nowhere in sight.
Until I blinked.
She popped into view, with strobe-like stealth, behind Teddy (still proffering libations from an empty tray).
Like Freddie, Betty seemed flustered and self-conscious.
I noted that she had one eye in the mirror as she watched herself go by.
She seemed to be admiring her hat.
Or its feathered plumes.
I couldn’t decide.
I felt dizzy.
The garden spun round like a carousel.
Faster and faster.
Betty patted her bonnet, with all the frou frous on it.
I gasped for breath, gulping like a guppy.
What was going on here?
Where were all the other guests?
What had happened to Freddie, Betty, and Teddy since my last visit?
Why were my thoughts echoing round, bouncing off stones, before sinking?
To Be Continued . . .
If you missed any installments, the entire story can be found at the Short Stories tab . . . or just click HERE!
You might also enjoy Kate’s post: Amphibious Action Hero.