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The Thin Veneer of Southern Charm April 30, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People, Politics.
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220px-Shackleton's_Ship_Quest_1921One day, as a gentle Southern lady from Charleston drove cross the Cooper River to Mount Pleasant, she noticed a young man near the top of the bridge.

He was fixin’ to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Please don’t jump! Think of your dear mother and father.”

“My mom and dad are both dead, I’m going to jump.”

“Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”

“I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids.”

“Well, then, just sing Dixie.”

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainHe gave her a quizzical look, ”What’s Dixie ?”

“Well, bless your heart, you just go ahead and jump, you little Yankee bastard, you’re holding up traffic!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

(E-mail from unknown author sent by Joe M.)

Happy Birthday, Jean!  Have a heaping helping of fun & laughter!

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Comments»

1. infamousanalyst - April 30, 2014

awesome haha

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Glad you got a chuckle out of it ~ having spent 3 years in South Carolina, this tickled my funny bone chakra.

2. Naomi - April 30, 2014

Thank you for the smile, Nancy :-) I’ve been missing your humor lately!

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Thanks, Naomi. Good to see you out and about.

I am delighted to report that my sense of humor is alive and well and awash with mirth ~ it is my most valuable possession for dealing with the vicissitudes of life.

3. suzicate - April 30, 2014

Bwahahaha!

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Yay! Glad you enjoyed, Suzi. When Joe sent this, it made me laugh out loud.

4. Life Penned - April 30, 2014

Okay, I give up. Why is there a picture of London Bridge?

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Good question! I couldn’t find a photo of a Charleston Bridge in the public domain, so I subbed in London Bridge.

5. katecrimmins - April 30, 2014

So naughty!

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

While driving to South Carolina for law school, we crossed under a number of bridge overpasses with graffiti ~> “Yankee, Go Home!” Not exactly the warm welcome we’d hoped for. :cool:

6. Joanne - April 30, 2014

SO UNpolitically correctable… AND hilarious…!

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Exactly! Civility and social acceptability are often no more than a thin veneer over seething hostility and resentment.

We were amazed at how many “good ol’ boys” in SC were proud to have the confederate flag flying over the state house 100 years after slavery was abolished. They finally retired it in 2000 . . . sort of. They now fly it in front of the state house, instead of over it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flags_of_the_Confederate_States_of_America

7. Val Boyko - April 30, 2014

The funniest jokes are the closest to the bone…..
I lived in North Carolina for 3 years and was called a yankee.
Even when I said I was from Scotland it was all the same.
“If you aren’t from here then you aren’t one of us….my dear”

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Yes! We had like experiences in both NC and SC: “You’re either from here or yer a come here.” I even had a judge call me a Yankee (in a belittling tone) in court! WOW!

After 11 years in the close-knit Carolinas, we found NJ, VA, MD, and FL more “open minded.”

8. jannatwrites - April 30, 2014

Hahaha… too funny! I’ve only visited the south a couple times, but “bless your heart” is such a southern thing to say. Just jump and get out of the way is such a rest-of-the-country thing to say :)

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Our next door neighbor in NC peppered almost every sentence with “bless your heart” ~ a polite way of saying, “WTF?!” :mrgreen:

9. Piglet in Portugal - April 30, 2014

It’s been a long day, Nancy…and you’ve just brought a smile to my face :)

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Yay! I’m glad to hear that, PiP. Nothing like a smile to cap off a long day.

10. Pix Under the Oaks - April 30, 2014

I like it!!! I could do without “bless your heart”, “dearie”, and “missy”.

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

I never liked the expression “bless your heart” ~ it always rang hollow to me. “Dearie” and “missy” just sound condescending.

11. ericjbaker - April 30, 2014

Why jump off a bridge when there’s undoubtedly a southern BBQ joint nearby? That’s something worth living for.

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

We enjoyed some mighty fine BBQ joints in NC, SC, and VA in our pre-vegetarian days. Now we’d probably have to content ourselves with the fries, the slaw, the sweet tea, and the aromas.

ericjbaker - April 30, 2014

Don’t forget the fried pickles.

Mmmmmmm.

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

I’ve never had fried pickles . . . but I used to LOVE the fried zucchini at TJ’s Deli in NC. So I’m sure I could manage to broaden my horizons (and my waist line).

12. Kate @ Did That Just Happen? - April 30, 2014

hahahahaahahahahahaha. Now that’s greatness!!

nrhatch - April 30, 2014

Yay! Kate laughed.

I’m reminded of another brilliant example of the superficial veneer worn by the southern belles ~> the novel, The Help. I laughed loud and long when that nasty piece of work swallowed a slice of “Shit Pie.”

13. Behind the Story - May 1, 2014

My late husband and I were married in 1967, the same year it became legal to marry someone of a different race. (He was Chinese.) Living in Seattle, I’d never heard of such a thing, but he had. He told me it wouldn’t have been a good idea for us to travel together to the South.

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

I expect your husband was right ~ the south is not the most progressive or open-minded area of the country. Lee Daniel’s The Butler gives a glimpse of how the south dragged its heels in the area of civil rights, up to and through the time you got married,

14. Patricia - May 1, 2014

I have lived in SC longer than I lived in Ohio but i am still a Yankee…a bit softer but still a Yankee. I really haven’t had any bad experiences here but then I do tend to live in my own ditzy world a lot of the time.

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

When someone calls me a “Yankee,” I view it as a compliment ~ better than being mistaken for a card-carrying member of the KKK.

Patricia - May 2, 2014

It is a compliment to be called a Yankee. Even when said in a less than nice way I see as a positive statement.

nrhatch - May 2, 2014

We’re agreed then. :D

15. Three Well Beings - May 1, 2014

Good one! I’ve spent enough time with my southern aunts and uncles to be reasonably sure there is an element of truth in this little joke. LOL!

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

There are, of course, some genuine people in the south, but many southern guys and gals are trained from a young age to be disingenuous and hide their feelings behind well veneered masks ~> appearing to be forthcoming while lacking in candor.

Where I grew up, people were more “what you see is what you get.” It was a tough transition.

16. William D'Andrea - May 1, 2014

When I was a child here in New York, in the 1950s, I thought that calling someone a Yankee, meant that he was either a fan of the Baseball Team; or a member of it like Mickey Mantle or Yogi Berra.
I’ve only visited the South once. That was in 1976, when I spent a few days at Disney World. That was obviously not a typical Florida Community, or typical of any actual place in the real world.
Then I spent a few days in Miami; which is also not typical of Florida.
“They paved paradise and put in a parking lot.”
As for “Southern Hospitality”, I found it hard to deal with; especially the service in restaurants. The waiters and waitresses took more than a half hour to come over to take my order. Then it was another half hour before I was served; including orders that could have been prepared and served in less than 5 minutes.
However, I did receive good, efficient service just once, at a restaurant outside Disney World. Then I was served by a black waitress from Buffalo New York.

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

Florida, especially on the coasts and near Disney, isn’t really part of “the south” ~ so many of its residents are transplants that you never even hear a southern accent.

William D'Andrea - May 2, 2014

In 1970, I spent 4 days in Washington D.C. which is geographically also in the South, but as the Nation’s Capitol, it should be representative of the entire Country. However, during this current administration, the people in charge seem to totally out of touch with the rest of us.

nrhatch - May 2, 2014

Politicians always seem a bit out of the loop to me.

17. Grannymar - May 1, 2014

Thanks for the giggle, alas, I don’t have to leave Ireland for similar stories to this one. it is such a pity that people waste time being bitter.

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

My great grandmother (in the Scottish Highlands) teased her son about being a Yankee after he moved to the states, came back for a visit, and complained of the cold (because the window was open):

“Och, ye damn Yankees! Ye cannae stan’ a wee bit of fresh air.”

Grannymar - May 2, 2014

That happened here too. Alas, nowadays, the name calling is more serious and can at times be erroneously blamed on religion.

nrhatch - May 2, 2014

Outside looking in certainly gives the impression that it’s Catholics vs. Protestants. Not so?

18. diannegray - May 1, 2014

Brilliant! :D

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

Glad you enjoyed, Dianne. Are there areas of Australia that “harbor grudges” against folks from other areas?

Sometimes I think the South never got over losing the Civil War.

diannegray - May 1, 2014

The northerners don’t like the southerners here and the westerners hate the easterners! lol :D But we haven’t had a civil war (yet) ;)

nrhatch - May 1, 2014

That’s good to know, Dianne.

The same happened in Frank Baum’s OZ because the witches in the 4 quadrants couldn’t get along. Their incessant bickering poisoned the munchkins against the flying monkeys, etc. Dorothy landing her house on the Wicked Witch of the East brought things to a head.


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