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Does Time Heal All Wounds? May 7, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.
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Does time heal all wounds?

Maybe . . . but only when we cooperate.

When we fall down and skin our knee, the wound almost always heals  faster if we just clean it up and leave it alone, letting time do its thing.

We know that picking at the scab will slow down the healing process.

Yet, when we bruise our egos, we often slow down (or halt) the healing process by continually picking at the wound:

We analyze what happened.
We turn it over in our minds.
We tell other people what happened.
We solicit their opinions.

We gather support for Ego’s view of the situation.
We get mad all over again.
We desire retribution.
In extreme cases, we plot our revenge . . .

Does all this ego-maneuvering and posturing speed the healing process?

Nope.  Just the opposite.

When we hang on to negative emotions (hurt, frustration, anger, sadness, or grief), we are getting in the way of the natural healing process.  Instead of letting time work its magic, we tend to aggravate the impact of the initial injury by letting it eclipse everything else in our lives.

We get stuck for days, weeks, months, and even years, watching the same stale re-runs over and over, instead of choosing to move forward.

Whenever we choose to hang on to the past, rather than letting it go, we are robbing ourselves of  the joy, peace, and happiness we could be feeling right here, right now.

Next time you bruise your ego: pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find something to smile about . . . while time does its thing.

Quote:  How you relate to the issue IS the issue.

Related posts:  Choose Happiness * But I Might Die Tonight 
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Comments»

1. nrhatch - May 8, 2010

Loreen, I’ve decided to delete your rather negative comment.

In response to your question, I could not begin to explain why my posts are so unsettling to you. But I have a quick fix for your consideration: If reading my posts is making you unhappy, stop reading them.

BTW: Why should I sound like a Buddhist monk? I’m not Buddhist.

2. Andalib - May 15, 2010

nr,
Personally, I believe that, yes, picking at a scab won’t let it heal faster but I also believe that it is within human nature to pick. It’s within our very nature to mull over the hurt, we replay the pain and want to share our pain because – that’s what we should do.
As I wrote on WEbook, keeping the pain bottled inside isn’t healthy, sharing it out seems extremely selfish (to me at least) and simply walking away is very, very difficult.
I agree we should let go, don’t get me wrong, we should but I also think we need to keep chewing on that hurt.
For a little while at least, until it tastes to bitter, so disgusting that eventually, we will spit it out and continue with our lives.

Andy.

*#*

3. nrhatch - May 15, 2010

Andy ~

This post is about “skinned knees” and “bruised egos” ~ not “broken bones” and “amputations of major body parts,” which of necessity require a significantly longer healing time than bruised egos.

The process is perhaps the same . . . but the timeframe is extended.

That said, I’m not sure that it’s “human nature” to mull over the hurt and replay the pain ~ but we certainly have been conditioned and socialized to do that. And also to feel guilty for “moving on” with our lives after a loved one dies.

Personally, I’m not convinced that that socialization and conditioning (which is based on external attachment rather than inner peace) is in anyone’s best interest.

You are correct ~ walking away from emotional pain is very, very difficult. But it’s worth it . . . after all your freedom is at stake.

“Life is good, but life is short. Bad things happen. Laugh when you can.”

In The Serenity Principle, the author addresses how our thoughts give rise to our emotions . . . not the other way around. In its essence:

We think a sad thought (“I’m all alone”). . . we get sad (“Being alone is sad”). . . which makes us think about other sad thoughts (“It’s so unfair. This shouldn’t have happened. I’m scared.”) . . . which makes us sadder (“Why do I have to deal wtih this? Why did he/she/it have to leave?”) . . .

If we see the sad thought for what it is ~ just a puff of energy. We can examine it BEFORE it spirals out of control, and replace it with a thought that is more conducive to our happiness and peace of mind:

“I’m all alone.” -> “But I won’t always be alone. I have friends and family that love me. I’m young, vibrant, and in good health. This is a sad time, but I’ll get through it.”

The more you question your thoughts and look to see whether the statements are really “true,” the faster you heal.

Keep asking yourself: Will this thought bring me happiness?

If the answer is “no”, try to think about something else for awhile and let the pain recede of its own accord.

Pain will wash away in time . . . as long as we don’t go chasing after it.

4. Andalib - May 18, 2010

OK.
I get it.
Thanks nr.

Andy

*#*

5. nrhatch - May 18, 2010

Take your time, Andy.

You are not dealing with someone who cut you off in traffic, after all.

The road to recovery will involve one step forward and two steps back for some time. Just don’t feel compelled to hang onto the hurt out of a sense of obligation to others.

When you are ready to let go, let go and don’t feel guilty about moving forward into the infinite possibilities ahead of you.

Peace.


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